


Where the Psychic Falls

by thedevilyouknownow



Category: Psych
Genre: Case Fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Non-graphic mentions of child prostitution, Past Child Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-16 02:18:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2252178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilyouknownow/pseuds/thedevilyouknownow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn is a master of deception, it's half his job for christ's sake! He can handle almost anything that's thrown at him, including all types of cases and criminals. Even when a bad memory comes to life, when his mind is put into the hands of a psychopath he hides it, he lies. The case is getting harder though, and the pressure is on him to solve the case and save a girl's life. For the first time Shawn wishes he wasn't so good at his job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Favorite Psychic

            The insistent buzzing of the phone on the nightstand beside his bed woke him from his restless sleep. Groaning, Shawn rolled over, the blankets tangled around his legs as sleepily ran a hand over his eyes. The clock on his nightstand blinked the time at him in harsh red numbers and he grimaced. It was early, earlier then he ever normally got up. Whoever was calling him couldn’t have anything good to say.  Sighing he shut his eyes for a moment, breathing in the somewhat stuffy air of his room. The grating noise of his phone on the wood of his nightstand poked persistently at his mind and he abandoned his efforts to ignore the call. He yawned and stretched, pushing himself up and leaning over to grab his phone before it propelled itself over the edge of the small table,

 

            Too tired to check the caller ID, Shawn answered the phone and slouched back against his bed frame wishing to go back to bed more than anything. Sleepily he ran his hand through his bed head in a halfhearted attempt to tame it.

 

            “Hello?” Shawn croaked his voice slightly hoarse from sleep. Jules answered him solemnly sounding as tired as he did, if not more,

 

            “Chief wants us all down at the station.” Her voice lacked its usual enthusiasm and lightness. She was rather run down after their latest case, they all were, and the strain from sleepless nights and too much coffee were starting to take their toll.

 

            “Aw but what about my beauty sleep? I need my beauty sleep.” He tried to inject as much playfulness as he could into his tone, despite the earlier hour, as he could. Six was too early to go into the station, let alone be there already, as he knew Jules was, “Or more specifically, Gus needs his beauty sleep. I’m alright in the beauty department, but Gus…” He trailed off and Jules chuckled a little, he suspected it was more to humor him than anything else but at least it was something. Humming a bit to himself, Shawn pushed the covers all the way off and swung his legs over the side of the bed, rolling his neck to try to alleviate the crick in it from the awkward angle of his pillow.

 

            “Just get here Shawn, it sounded pretty important.” Her tone was considerably brighter than it had been and Shawn smiled, nodding before he remembered that she couldn’t see him.

 

            “Alright I’ll come, but I’m bringing pineapple.” He said it more in an effort to amuse her than out of a real desire for the fruit, in reality the idea of eating this early turned his stomach, though he would never admit it to anyone. The snort from the other end of the line warmed his heart and the smile broadened on his face. He mentally made note to bring a pineapple with him, seeing Jules’s face light up would be reason enough to lug the fruit to the station on his bike, “See you in a bit sweetie.”

 

            “See you soon.” Hanging up Shawn made his way out of his bedroom, grabbing a pair of jeans and a mostly clean t-shirt on his way out. Light trickled in through the windows of his “house” and he yawned again, scratching his shoulder and ambling towards his kitchen. The small apartment was surprisingly neat, the dirty dishes and random objects commonly found strewn around Psych were absent from his own home. Partially it was because of Jules, she always reminded him to clean, and partially it was because he wasn’t here, often for long stretches of time, spending the majority of his time at the station, Psych office, his dad or Jules’s houses, or driving around with Gus in the blueberry.

 

            Setting his phone down on the nearest object, which happened to be a chair, he pulled his pajama shirt over his head, dropping it on the floor next to him for the moment as he put on the plain blue t-shirt he was planning on wearing. Stepping out of his soft plaid pants he quickly tugged on the jeans, hoping from one foot to the other while he contemplated what the chief could possibly want of them at such an ungodly hour.

 

            He wanted a case, one that would take at least some dedication to figure out, it would help to get everyone back on track, to help them get back on their feet. Shivering he thought of how close he and Gus had come to dying during their last case, how close Jules had come. It turned out people who had been sent to jail by the SBPD weren’t too found of the members of the force. It had been too close a call that was for sure. Even Lassie seemed shaken, being surlier and more irritable than usual.

 

            Shawn shivered; he didn’t even want to think of what his life would be like without any of them. They were the most important people in the world to him and a life without them in it was not one he wanted to live. It would be a dark place, it would make him into a different person, a person he hadn’t been in years, not since the divorce, not since… Quickly Shawn snapped himself out of that line of thought and swallowed the lump rising in his throat. Taking a deep breath through his nose he picked up his phone from where it was starting to slip into the cushions of the chair, and dialed Gus’s number as he made his way out the door. He stopped briefly to pick up his motorcycle helmet, jacket, slip on his trusted Adidas, and slip his keys into his pocket.

 

            The phone rang twice before Gus picked up, “Gus, buddy! How are you doing this fine morning?” He forced the sleep from his voice and tried to sound as cheerful as possible.

 

            “Shawn? Why are you calling me this early? Did something happen?” Shawn could hear the panic in Gus’s voice and heard the rustling noise of Gus’s sheets in the background. His best friend was probably already getting out of bed, preparing for the worst.

 

            “Calm down buddy, nothing happened,” Shawn frowned holding his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he locked the door to his house, “Well at least not to anyone we know, the chief wants to see us at the station. I think it’s about a case, I’m heading over to your house right now.”

 

            “It’s too early for this Shawn.” Gus sounded resigned and in the background Shawn could hear the creaking of Gus’s clothing drawers being opened, he rolled his eyes even though no one could see him,

 

            “Don’t be the coconut jellybean Gus.”

 

            “I _like_ coconut jellybeans Shawn, they’re flavorful and delicious.” Clucking his tongue Shawn walked to where his motorcycle was parked, slipping on his jacket and reaching down to tie his shoelaces.

 

            “Really buddy? That’s embarrassing.” He heard a huff from the other end of the line,

 

            “I can’t do this with you right now Shawn.”” Shawn grinned, that was more like it. Gus sounded was slowly starting to sound more awake, his voice losing it grogginess and returning to it’s usual vigilance.

 

            “Whatever, I’ll be there in fifteen, be ready,” he swung his leg over the seat to his bike and, as his earlier idea came back to him he added, “And have pineapple.” He hung up before Gus could respond and slipped the phone into his back pocket. Deftly he slid the keys into place and started the bike, pushing the kickstand up and out of the way. Sliding on his helmet he sighed, hopefully this would be a good case, he needed a good case, they all did. A classic who done it would be just the thing to lift everyone’s spirits. 

 

            Revving his bike Shawn smiled, with luck today could be the best one he’d had in a while.

 

        ____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

            “I’m here, and I brought pineapple!” Shawn shouted as he entered the chief’s office hoisting the fruit above his head, Gus was right behind him closing the door and most likely rolling his eyes.

 

            Lassiter and Juliet turned to look at them and Chief Vick raised her eyebrows at the pair. Jules offered them a tight smile from her seat and Lassiter scoffed turning away, his arms folded tightly over his chest, posture rigid. The office was bright from the sun streaming in through the window giving the room a rather warm feel. Shawn had come to think of the room as more of a pleasant space than an intimidating room. He might have felt differently if he actually worked under the chief, though let’s face it, he and Gus were basically honorary members of the force, but he enjoyed the positive vibes he associated with the room.

 

            “Please join us Mr. Spencer, Mr. Guster.” Gesturing towards the two remaining chairs the chief waited and Shawn shot Gus a bemused look before sitting down, a small smile on his face as he lovingly stroked the pineapple in his lap. Gus followed suit and they fell quite, Shawn, catching the look Jules was sending him, placed the magical fruit next to his chair gently.

 

            “Took you long enough.” Lassiter mumbled angrily under his breath and Shawn blinked. These days it seemed as though the detective was always complaining, always looking for a fight. Shawn supposed that was just his reaction to stress but it could be a bit tedious, he loved their banter as much as the next guy but at seven (alright it did take him a little longer than necessary to get there) it wasn’t highly appreciated. Still he played along, sighing dramatically,

 

            “Lassie do you know how long it takes to grow a pineapple? Because I grew this one fresh and if this is the thanks I am going to receive for all my hard work then-”

            “Gentlemen!” The chief said, clearly getting irritated and Lassiter huffed shooting Shawn an annoyed glare. Shawn stuck out his tongue, and turned back to face Karen. She looked as exhausted as the rest of them, maybe even more so. The crow’s feet around her eyes looked strained and she sagged a little in her seat despite trying her hardest to appear awake and powerful.

 

            “Sorry Chief, you were saying?” He leaned forward a bit, resting his chin on his hands expectantly, wanting to show her she had his attention. She paused for a moment, hesitating as she looked them over. She shook her head slightly, sighing as she leaned forward a bit to grab a mug of something, presumably coffee, and take a large swig before setting the cup down.

 

            “As you all know the last few days have been,” she paused hardening slightly and Shawn tried to keep his face blank, “Difficult.” Jules stiffened beside him and Shawn reached out to put a hand on top of hers, squeezing slightly. She shot him a grateful look and smiled slightly before turning back to focus on Karen.

 

            “It’s my responsibility to see that all my officers,” her eyes slid to him and Gus, “And consultants, are fit to work both physically and mentally.” Shawn could practically taste the tension in the room as they all waited for her to continue, “While there is a new case that I would like to give you all to work on, and yes I mean all,” she glanced at Lassiter who closed his mouth abruptly, “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.” Shawn opened his mouth to protest and Lassiter uncrossed his arms leaning forward slightly. The chief held up a finger,

 

            “So I’ve decided that you should all talk to the resident physiatrist until they see fit that you stop. When they clear you I will feel comfortable allowing you all out in the field again.” Instantly Shawn jumped to his feet as the room burst into chatter. He couldn’t believe this, physiatrists weren’t normally his favorite people, besides his mother of course, and he worked to avoid them. If they were provided with a complete file on him like he assumed this one would be it would be even worse. Despite his annoyance at the chief he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt when he saw her tiredly rub at her temples.

 

            “Come on Chief, you can’t expect us to go see that old guy, he’s weirder than Weird Al Yankovic!” Shawn exclaimed, trying to make her see reason.

 

            “Technically we don’t work for you so we don’t have to do anything.” Gus supplied and Shawn held his hand up for a high five, an impressed look on his face, his friend slapped his hand but it lacked his typical gusto. All of them were standing now, except the chief, and Shawn watched as Lassiter straightened himself up, hands balled into fists at his sides.

 

            “We’re perfectly fine Chief!” Lassiter yelled and Juliet nodded, reaching for Shawn’s hand again and holding on to it tightly. The chief held up her hand silencing them all,

 

            “My mind is made up, and Guster, your right I have no official power over you and Shawn but if you want to continue to take cases from me, you will have to do this.” Looking at Shawn she ran a hand through her hair, “And Mr. Spencer there is a new psychiatrist working here so no need to worry about his ‘oddness’. In fact he came recommended by your father,” Shawn looked at her blankly, apprehension scrunching up his features ever so slightly, “I believe you used to see him as a child, Dr. Winnie?” Shawn paled and he felt as if his heart had stopped beating. He felt his face go completely blank for a moment, limbs feeling frozen. Quickly he worked to regain his composure and smiled tensely, ignoring the way Gus and Jules were looking at him,

 

            “Ah yes Dr. Winnie the Pooh, I remember him, how is the old boy, still craving some honey?” Gus chuckled before catching the look the chief was sending his and stifling it in a cough. The chief pressed her lips together before continuing she was obviously at the end of her rope,

 

            “Yes well, you will all be required to have a session with him so he can clear you. You may see him after that if you want or if he sees fit but I will not allow you to work on any high profile cases until I am sure you can handle it.” She caught all of their eyes again, “it’s for your own good.”

            __________________________________________________________________________________            

 

            The chief looked around the room slowly, meeting everyone’s eyes and waiting till they nodded in understanding before moving on. She was certain this was a good idea. They had worked on bad cases before, ones that had thoroughly rattled them, but none were as horrendous as this one had been. Karen knew she had to be absolutely positive that they were all alright before she could have them back on the field, her conscience wouldn’t let her get away with it otherwise.

 

            When Karen looked into Shawn’s eyes she paused for a second, taken aback. He was smiling a little, in the casual way he usually did, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were dark closed off, the usually light hazel murky and toxic. He nodded and she blinked looking to see his eyes completely clear, light, and airy, like normal. The change was so fast she thought for a moment she had imagined it.

 

            Clearing her throat she nodded at the group wanting to get this meeting over with as soon as possible, she could feel a killer headache coming on and she was always awful at dealing with tough situations while cranky. She waved her hand towards the door, trying not to look too worn down.

 

            “There is a sign up sheet outside my office to the left, write down your name next to the time and day you want and he’ll see you then.” She straightened her back, ignoring down the fatigue that was making her eyes heavy, “I recommended you schedule your appointments soon otherwise I will have to assign other officers to the case I have waiting for you.” Lassiter stiffened, his face grim and Juliet nodded determination visible in the set of her jaw.

 

            “Dismissed.” Slowly everyone filled out of the office and made their way towards the sign up sheet, except Shawn, he stood there biting his lip and looking at his shoes. He waved Gus away telling him he’d be out in a minute. The Chief leaned back in her chair, waiting till the room had been cleared and the door shut to speak, obviously the psychic had something on his mind.

 

            “What’s the matter Mr. Spencer?” Shawn looked at her seriously, face devoid of anything and she swallowed, concerned. There wasn’t many times she could remember where the man standing in front of her had looked so grim, and all of those occasions had ben when someone he loved was in danger. She drummed her fingers on the desk, suddenly nervous despite being the one in control.

 

            “I was wondering if I could maybe see a different psychologist, one outside of the station’s payroll?” Shawn’s voice was somehow small, lacking its usual joyous, playful tone. She might have been more willing to have this conversation of she hadn’t slightly irritated already, if she couldn’t feel the throbbing beginnings of a headache behind her eyes. Frowning she ignored the hint of desperation she heard in his voice and shook her head. She knew where this was going, phone calls could be faked and so could letters. Shawn was trying to get out of this just like he did with many of his other responsibilities. This time however, this time was different, this time it was non-negotiable.

 

            “I’m sorry but I can’t. I know you don’t want to do this but neither do the others, it wouldn’t be fair to them.” Shawn grimaced, pulling his hands out of his pockets and shaking his head adamantly,

 

            “No, no chief I’m not trying to get out of it it’s just that I would be-” She held up her hand to cut him off and he stopped, mouth opening and closing once, wordless, before snapping shut with an audible clinking sound.

 

            “Mr. Spencer no, I’m sorry, but no. I trust Dr. Winnie’s opinion and if you want to continue working for me you will have to see him.” Frustrated Karen bounced her leg under her desk, she wasn’t in the mood for this right now. Impatiently, she studied the psychic, watching as he fidgeted nervously, waiting for a response, this was not something she was willing to let him worm his way out of.

 

            “Besides I know how hard it is for you to open up to others. Seeing someone you used to talk to might help you overcome that.” Shawn stiffened a bit but nodded, still not meeting her eyes. “You have to see him,” she paused waiting for him to turn and leave. His stance worried her slightly, the way he shifted from foot to foot, as if he were trying to hide something. It made her feel like there was something else a different reason for his discomfort. Cautiously she continued,

 

            “Unless there’s something else you wanted to say, some other reason you don’t want to see him?” Her voice was soft, only half joking as she raised her eyebrows, hoping the psychic would pick up the genuine question in her words. Shawn’s muscles tightened for a second before he sighed theatrically and gave her his best impression of a dejected puppy before abruptly switching his expression to a grin and giving her a mock solute, picking up the pineapple as he headed out the door. It was a strange display, as if she had watched him press the button on a remote and switch between emotions like they were television shows. The thought left her quickly as she motioned for Shawn to leave,

 

            “See you soon chief!” He said, voice back to its usual lively quality. She chuckled to herself as she watched the man go and picked up her mug, taking another long sip of her coffee. At least that was one less thing she had to worry about.

 


	2. His Selfishness Will Be The Death of Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn doesn't know if he can handle a session with the doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some non-con in this chapter…you have been warned.

            As Shawn walked out of the Chief’s office he tried not to vomit. Bile rose in his throat and his stomach churned manically. He felt as if he had been shot again, his head swimming and steps a little unsteady. Taking a deep breath he plastered a grin onto his face as he caught sight of the others. They were already at the sign up sheet, chatting away as they chose their sessions. When they turned to look at him Shawn tried to make his smile a little more believable, make it reach his eyes.

 

            “Hiya gang, I see you’re all choosing when to share your deepest darkest secrets with a stranger. It’s a nerve racking experience I know,” he elbowed Lassie, “Most especially for you I would assume.” He rapped on Lassie’s head lightly, “Who knows what horrifying secrets you have in that hideous head of yours.” Scowling Lassiter moved aside from the sheet,

 

            “I’m not the one who had a childhood shrink,” Shawn rolled his eyes, not missing a beat even when his insides turned to lead, and waved his hand in the air dismissively,

 

            “That was my pop’s idea, something about helping me cope with the divorce,” he leaned in mock whispering, “In truth I mostly just talked about my favorite comic books, the guy had good taste.”  He smirked and shifted the pineapple, which was digging into his skin, against his hip. It made Shawn’s skin crawl just saying the words and he felt his throat constrict but he just patted Lassiter on the back and shot Jules a devilish grin.

 

            “You should sign up as soon as possible Shawn,” Gus said in an urgent tone, “We need the money a new case would bring in.” Shawn flinched a bit and Gus’s brow crinkled, sometimes Shawn forgot how well Gus was able to read him. Realizing his mistake Shawn laughed, attempting to brush of the small slip up and banish any unwanted thoughts from Gus’s head.

 

            “Alright buddy, settle down settle down, I got this.” He tore his eyes away from his friend’s worried expression and swallowed, turning to the sign up sheet. He picked up the pencil hanging limply by a string next to the clipboard and flipped the sheet to the next day. All of his friend’s names were on it. Lassiter had signed up first for the eight o’ clock appointment, of course, Jules next for ten and Gus for one. Shawn swallowed and calculated in his mind the time when the station would be busiest. Three thirty. That was the time everyone started to rush to finish up paperwork, trying to leave by five with everything finished. Quickly he wrote his name down and dropped the pencil like it had burned him, twisting around to smile at his best friend.

 

            “Tadaa.” He flailed about a bit, swinging his spiked fruit in the air and making Lassiter grimace. Gus just shook his head, somewhat amused and peered over his shoulder to see when Shawn had chosen. Gus’s eyes immediately narrowed and he straightened, looking Shawn in the eye,

 

            “Shawn did you choose that time so you could get out of helping your dad clean his truck.” Shawn brightened, that was as good a reason as any, in fact, it was an added benefit. He hadn’t even remembered that he had agreed to help his dad clean the thing, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t done things like that before, it was believable. This was good, this was normal.

 

            “Now I wouldn’t say that Gus, you can see as well as I can that that is the only available slot.” Jules was smiling over Gus’s shoulder shaking her head slightly, seeing her looking so relaxed, so adorable helped calm his stomach and relieve the nauseous feeling he’d had ever since Chief Vick had said _his_ name.

 

            “What are you talking about Shawn, I see at least ten open slots.” Lassiter grumbled. This was perfect, he could handle this. Shawn stared at the paper intensely, pretending to study it,

 

            “No Lassie there was definitely only that one, I think you need to get your eyes checked.” Lassie sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. Shawn grinned, feeling better the more he talked to them. He winked at Jules and she blushed looking away hurriedly. Lassiter grunted, annoyed, and Shawn laughed, the churning in his stomach starting to settle.

 

            “Hello there.” Said someone from behind him and Shawn flinched, he knew that voice, it still haunted him sometimes. Slowly he turned to see the man who had haunted his dreams ever since he was thirteen. He looked different than he had all those years ago, older, and paler. His brown hair had lightened considerably with age, grey hair now streaking the hair and making the man look much older. Wrinkles lined his eyes and sides of his mouth. He must have been in his late fifties, but he was fit with broad shoulders and a solid build. Shawn blinked, forcing himself to smile.

 

            “Shawn, it’s so good to see you again.” He looked sincere, eyes bright and honest, face crinkling in what appeared to be a genuine smile. Shawn brought the pineapple in front of him, trying to give himself as much protection as possible. He nodded and tried to ignore the prickly feeling that was slowly crawling across his skin.

 

            “Yeah, you too.” Shawn’s voice didn’t waver a bit as he spoke though he could feel himself hunching over, becoming smaller. He turned towards the group, fake grin still on his face, and tried to keep up the charade. “Guys this is Dr. Winnie, Dr. Winnie, these are the patients you will be treating shortly.” He stepped to the side as they all shook hands and closed his eyes for second as he calmed himself down, nothing was going to happen, it had been years ago. Logan, Dr. Winnie had been young and so had he. It was horrible and it made him feel sick to even be in the same room with the guy but he could act like it didn’t, he had been acting for years. He was so good at it he might as well become a movie star, he thought to himself bitterly, get a job on a TV show, play a lovable quirky character. After all acting was just lying, professionally, and his job was basically constant lying. For years he had lied about therapy, saying it helped not hurt, and now he did it everyday. He was lying about being psychic, lying about being okay every time he was involved in cases that triggered him, pretending that he was an unflappable goofball who was always smiling. He could do this.

 

            Besides, Winnie probably wouldn’t address it, would want to forget it. He had probably gotten help himself, and even if he hadn’t his attraction had obviously been to young boys, a shiver ran down Shawn’s spine, and he was neither young nor a boy, despite what Lassiter might think. He would be okay, it was just an assessment, and one he was sure he could pass.

 

            Tuning back to reality, Shawn smiled and laughed his way through the chitchat the group made as they talked to the man who would be deciding their mental state. Shawn could tell that all three of them were on edge, he was too but for different reasons, and were trying to act natural so that the doctor would pass them with flying colors.

 

            “Shawn here was one of my best patients,” Winnie patted him on the shoulder and Shawn winced but it was so slight he was sure none of the others caught it. No one except Winnie that is, “Came to my office once a week for three months.” Chuckling he squeezed Shawn’s shoulder and Shawn’s smile twisted grotesquely in what he hoped the others thought were painful memories of the divorce. He was pretty sure that Winnie had just violated the doctor patient confidentiality agreement, but he wasn’t sure, did when visits occur fall under the umbrella of secrecy? “But that was years ago. Anyway, I’ll see you all at your sessions tomorrow,” his smile broadened and he took a step back, “Hopefully we’ll see you all back on the field in no time.” He waved and walked away to a chorus of byes. He didn’t even glance Shawn’s way.

 

            Relaxing Shawn allowed himself to take a deep breath before he turned and clapped his hands together excitedly, the pineapple wedged under his arm,

 

            “Well now that all that’s over, who wants some pineapple?” Jules raised her hand excitedly while Lassiter smirked, though the way his eyes kept flicking to the fruit and away made it obvious he wanted some.

 

            “Oh you know I do.” Gus grabbed Shawn’s arm and tugged him toward Jules’s desk Shawn allowed himself to be pulled, falling into the mindless familiarity of banter as they walked, and tried to push his memories, and worries about what might happen at three thirty tomorrow, to some dark barren corner of his mind to be forgotten.

             __________________________________________________________________________________          

 

            Shawn woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of his name being called. He leaned back against the bedframe and tried to even his breathing to calm the pounding of his heart in his chest. Slowly he turned his head to see Jules’s big concerned eyes staring at him in the near darkness. Her hair was tangled around her face and the light leaking through the curtains made her skin look grey. Smiling, and ignoring the pit in his stomach, he rolled over to sling his arm over her, pulling her closer.

 

            “Jules, you were calling.” He mumbled nosing her cheek and whispering against her skin. She nuzzled closer to him even as she remained worried.

 

            “You were having a nightmare, Shawn.” He could hear the concern in her voice and he sighed, adjusting the blankets over them. He knew it had been a bad idea to agree to a sleepover after everything that had happened but he hadn’t been able to say no. She had looked so beautiful and he had swooned at the suggestion, jokingly of course, but nonetheless he had been unable to turn her down.

 

            “Was I? I don’t remember.” He swallowed and inhaled through his nose, a long strained breath, trying to shut off the memories that his sleeping mind had drawn to the surface.

 

            _“Come on Shawny boy, relax, it’ll be better for both of us if you just relax. Jesus fucking Christ boy, stop squirming.”_

 

            Juliet frowned against him and pulled back a bit to study him the best she could in the barely there light. He tried to keep his face passive.

 

            “Are you sure? Because it sounded bad.” Her voice was heavy with doubt and she brought her hand up to rest on his cheek. He closed his eyes, leaning into the warmth of her touch.

 

            _“God you’re amazing, you’re beautiful, perfect. You’re parents don’t appreciate you the way I do, they’re too preoccupied in themselves. They’ll never love you like I do, no one will.”_

 

            “Yes I’m sure Jules, it was probably just left over from, you know.” Instantly Jules relaxed, softening and curling her hands in his shirt in sympathy. He could feel her heartbeat from where she was pressed against him and he took a deep breath, trying to match the erratic pace of his own heart to her steady one.

 

            “Oh, right,” Jules’s voice was quieter and she yawned. Shawn almost felt bad using the case as an excuse when it’d had such a big influence on all of them, almost, “Maybe it’s good the Chief is making us go see Dr. Winnie, it might help us after all.” Shawn snorted cruelly and she looked up at him,

 

            “What?” Her eyebrows crinkled up adorably, nose scrunching slightly. With the grey lighting the golden locks of hair floating around her face looked almost ethereal.

 

            _“Don’t tell them, or anyone. You wouldn’t want to disappoint them more do you?” Sour breath on his neck, clammy hand at the base of his spine, “Besides who do you think you’re dad will believe, you or me?”_

 

            “Nothing, just thinking you might be right,” Shawn said, glad for the darkness so she couldn’t read the lie on his face, “Speaking of which, we should be well rested for our appointments.” He felt Jules nod against him, burrowing in a little closer, and smiled, “Goodnight sweetie.”

             __________________________________________________________________________________          

 

            Gus was fuming, dark skin taking on a reddish hue, fists clenched at his sides. He looked ready to explode and Shawn could only watch with a ball of nerves clenched tightly in his stomach,

 

            “What do you mean your not going? Shawn you _have_ to go!” Shawn shook his head, he’d thought he could, thought he could put it all behind him and accept the apology he was bound to get, or at least pretend that nothing at all had happened. He had been prepared to stick it out through one session, get his clearance, and never look back. After last night’s nightmare however, he realized he couldn’t. Being so close to the one man who’d caused him years of pain and strife would be an insurmountable task. It didn’t matter if Winnie had changed or was sorry or passed him just so he wouldn’t tell, for the sake of his sanity he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t, and that meant he couldn’t go to the appointment.

 

            “Does Juliet know about this?” Gus was the maddest he’d ever been, except maybe when Shawn had admitted to making him lose the spelling bee, towering over Shawn who sat on the edge of his desk. Shawn ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head tiredly,

 

            “She would just try to convince me to go.” He winced, knowing it was the wrong thing to say the second the words left his mouth. Gus scoffed and Shawn tapped his finger on his leg, eyes trained on his best friend, trying to plead with him to let it go even though he knew it was hopeless.

 

            “Do you understand what it’ll mean if you don’t go? It’ll mean the end of Psych!” Gus gestured around him as if Shawn was unaware that they were in said place at the moment.

 

            “No it won’t,” Shawn frowned, pushing himself off the table and taking a step towards his best friend, “I can convince Karen to let us work cases, and if that doesn’t work we still have the private cases we take.” He knew it wasn’t enough, that it was a long shot but he didn’t have any other options.

 

            “That won’t cover expenses and you know it.” Gus’s stare was penetrating, rock-hard, and sharp. His hands twitched at his side and Shawn bit his lip, holding his hands palm out in front of him in a pacifying gesture.

 

            “I’ll convince the Chief, you know I can.” He took another step forward and reached out his hand. Gus jerked back and shook his head, somewhat frantically, wringing his hands for a moment before replying, voice bitter and hot with anger.

 

            “You just don’t get it do you? You can’t Shawn, not this time. This time you need to man up and stop being such a selfish child. It’s one appointment, what could happen?” Shawn blinked his hands flattening against his thighs as his jaw tightening.

 

            _“Shawn this isn’t going away and you need to deal with it. This is a way for you to do it. Stop being childish and go, it’ll help you. A guy I know from work recommended him, said he really helped his niece after his sister died. It’s one appointment, what could go wrong?”_

 

            “Gus, I can’t.” His voice cracked a little but his best friend didn’t seem to notice, he was off, pacing back and forth clenching and unclenching his fists. Shawn just watched helplessly. He couldn’t say anything more to make him understand, he couldn’t explain his reasons, he just needed Gus to trust him without Shawn having to ask him to.

 

            “It’s like you enjoy it!” Gus threw his hands up in the air, pacing more purposefully then before, feet making a distinct sound as his shoes hit the floor over and over, “Every time I start to get comfortable, you come along and screw things up for me, and you act like it’s nothing, like everything’s okay! Well guess what Shawn, if you don’t do this, things aren’t going to be okay! I basically pay for everything you do and if you quit the one job you have, that you’ve ever actually been any good at, I don’t know how I’ll be able to pay for you to do all the stupid things you like doing! I don’t know how I’ll be able to joke with you when I know all you care about is trying to get out of your responsibilities! For once in your life, just once, can you do something that isn’t completely selfish and go to the God damn meeting?” Screaming, Gus reeled on him and Shawn shrank back letting the words hit him with their full force. They stung, hurt like a whip and he could feel tears pricking at the backs of his eyes. He swallowed, attempting to hold them back and watched as Gus’s mouth made an ‘o,’ face crumpling in on itself,

 

            “Shawn I-” Shawn rushed passed him quickly, not waiting for the apology he knew was about to leave Gus’s mouth. Grabbing his helmet and keys and making for the front door he ignored the protests from behind him. He made it onto his motorcycle and down the street before the silent tears started to fall from his eyes.

 

            _“Your useless, no one loves you, you’re a screw up in every way. You always disappoint them and you’ll never be good enough.”_

 

            The words played over and over in his mind and instead of being in _his_ voice it sounded like Gus’s, like his father’s, like Juliet’s, like Lassiter’s. Shawn felt himself harden and his fingers gripped the handlebars tightly.

 

            He refused to be what they thought he was, he wasn’t a failure, and he could make them happy, he would make them happy. If this would make them proud, convince them that he wasn’t useless, than he would do it.

 

            Before he even knew it, Shawn was pulling into the parking lot of the police station five minutes before his appointment. His phone was buzzing in his back pocket and he barely glanced at it as he turned it off, taking off his helmet and making his way inside. The wind against his cheeks had dried his tears and made his face look wind blown, not puffy from crying, for that at least he was grateful.

 

            Making his way inside he nodded to the officers he knew as he passed, setting his helmet on Lassiter’s empty desk and giving Buzz a high five before making his way towards the back of the station where the psychiatry office was. The brown door with the words Dr. Winnie printed in bold white lettering loomed over him and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and knocking. He kept his eyes squeezed shut as he waited, heart pounding.

 

            “Come in,” said a muffled voice, even through the door he could hear the strong Boston accent the man possessed.  Breathing out and smiling as realistically as he could, he opened the door and walked in closing it behind him fighting the panic he felt rising up his throat.

 

            Winnie looked up from his desk and smiled warmly at him, gesturing with his hand to the seat in front of his desk. It was the only chair in the room. Shawn smirked as he sat,

 

            “What, only one chair? No test to see which chair the patient will sit in? No psychoanalysis based solely on seating preferences?” The smirk vanished when Winnie looked up at him face stony, completely serious,

 

            “Cut the crap Spencer,” He stood up from his desk and began pacing the room, “I assume you didn’t tell anyone about our old _sessions_ ,” he said the word as if it were going to bite him and it gave Shawn some hope that things had changed, “Otherwise I would have been arrested years ago,” he chuckled and stopped pacing turning to face Shawn, “Or at least when I applied for a job here under my real name.” Slowly Winnie starting walking towards Shawn, a evil glint in his eyes,

 

            “But I thought it was worth the potential risk,” he was only a few feet away and Shawn scooted as far back as the chair would allow, squirming, “Because if you hadn’t,” Winnie was right in front of him now and he whimpered, eyes trained on the man who towered over him, tall and menacing. Any attempt at standing his ground, at acting unfazed was foiled by the feeling curling in his stomach and the piercing eyes staring at him, making him feel like a kid again. Shawn knew he wasn’t getting an apology, “the rewards,” Winnie sunk down to his knees and slowly ran his hand up Shawn’s thigh and Shawn froze, his blood running cold. His eyes glazed over, images flooding his brain so fast he could barely keep up. He felt sick, disgust making his skin crawl, but he was paralyzed, only able to follow the hand with his eyes as it made it’s way up his leg and slowly undid the fly of his jeans, “would be amazing.” Winnie moaned a little under his breath as his fingers slid against the smooth cotton materiel of Shawn’s boxers.

 

            “Oh how I’ve missed you.” Something in Shawn snapped and he came back to life, grabbing Winnie’s hand and wrenching it back desperately, catching the man by surprise,

 

            “I’m not a kid anymore, I won’t let you do this.” Shawn tried to keep the quiver out of his voice, lowering it a bit and trying to keep his hand from shaking. Winnie laughed, pulling his hand out of Shawn’s grip with hardly any effort and tapping his cheek. Shawn shrank back in his seat, stomach churning, his sudden charge of courage dissipating just as quickly as it had come on.

 

            “I know all your buttons Shawny boy, there’s really nothing you could do to stop me.” Winnie’s eyes flashed with a challenge as if daring Shawn to talk back.

 

            “I could tell them,” Shawn said desperately, trying to make it sound as if he meant it. All he got was a snort in return, Winnie’s hand tightening menacingly on his thigh.

 

            “And I could tell then your not really psychic, but neither of us are going to do those things.” He stood up, placing his hands on either side of the chair around Shawn, trapping him. Shawn open his mouth to protest but before he could Winnie leaned in, crushing his lips to Shawn’s with such ferocity that Shawn tilted back a little in the chair. Nausea built up inside of him and he bit Winnie’s lip, hard.

 

            The older man yelped a little and pulled back abruptly, backhanding Shawn hard enough that he gripped the chair to keep from falling over. The stinging in his check was all too familiar. And he could tell there was a red mark on his face. Shawn blinked hard and kept himself from crying out, it would only make things worse. Slowly he sat back up, straightening out to look Winnie in the eyes. He was chuckling a little under his breath.

 

            “Still got the fire in you even after all these years,” smiling he pulled at Shawn’s jeans. Shawn swallowed and felt himself start to detach like someone had flipped a switch in his mind and now he was too beings, one a solid body, the other a fluid soul. He shifted allowing the man to pull at his clothes, only snapping back into himself when he felt a cold hand run up the inside of his thigh. He jerked and Winnie put his hand on Shawn’s knee, stilling him,

 

            “Personally I’ve always hated fire,” he leered up at Shawn, “Let’s see if we can extinguish it.” His head disappeared and Shawn stiffened as he felt the warm wetness of Winnie’s mouth around him. He white knuckled the seat, squeezing his eyes shut and thinking of Juliet, of Gus, of everyone he loved, he was doing this for them, he was proving himself to them. Gus had been right, he had been selfish before, he had forgotten that it wasn’t him that mattered. After all these years pretending, running around Santa Barbra fighting crime with a finger to the temple, he had gotten to cocky. He had forgotten that he wasn’t important, that no matter how much he acted as though he was significant he never would be. He had dared to want, to dream, and to try. After all those years of just feigning easy cheerfulness he had finally been enjoying himself. Had finally been doing things because he had wanted to, not just because others thought he should or shouldn’t, not just because he was running away from his past. He had been happy, had done things to make himself happy and for no other reason. In short, he had been selfish, and now it was over, now it was time for him to do what he was supposed to again, to grow up, and to stop being greedy.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!! :)


	3. Wasted Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn learns the results of his psych eval.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is really short, I've been kinda overwhelmed and had a bad case of writers block

           An hour later Shawn was sitting outside the Chief’s office waiting for the verdict. Fiddling with his helmet absently he allowed his mind to wander. He knew Logan, Winnie, whatever, wasn’t going to let him go now that he had him again, but he also knew that Winnie would allow him to solve cases, he would have nothing to hold over his head if not the threat of him losing his job. Shivering he remembered the words the chief had cautioned him with all those years ago,

 

            _And if this psychic thing is a scam, we will prosecute. You know hindering a police investigation is a criminal offense?_

            Things had changed since then sure, the chief had allowed him to work in very strange ways, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be forced to prosecute him if it was discovered he had been lying for years. It was almost a given that one of the people he had pissed of over the years in the DA and IA offices would come down on the station and him. They would want to know, since he hadn’t obtained all the evidence he had gathered over the years psychically, how he got the information. Then would find a litany of trespassing and breaking and entering violations littering his past cases and he would be done for.

 

            The door to the chief’s office opened and Shawn sat up straight, waiting for the two to exit. The chief came out first and Shawn smiled at her, when she returned the gesture Shawn could feel a palpable wave of relief wash over him. He had passed. Somehow he was able to keep his grin from wavering when he met Winnie’s eyes and the other man nodded, a small smirk flickering over his lips. The chief nodded at him and he stood, understanding that she was effectively dismissing him from his post on the uncomfortable bench, releasing him back into the familiar hum of the station. He turned to leave when her voice stopped him in his tracks,

 

            “But Mr. Spencer you will be required to meet with Dr. Winnie once a week. He believes it will help you.” Shawn closed his eyes for a brief second, the dread in his stomach was heavy but he forced himself to remain upbeat, he’d expected this after all. Once a week though, that was going to be hard, it was more frequent then he had expected and he had a sense that Winnie was disappointed with the number. He caught the other man’s slight dip of the lips in the corner of his eye and swallowed, the chief had defiantly talked him down to the once a week session. If he was okay to be in the field why would he need so many visits?

 

            His grip on his helmet tightened, the shiny plastic slick beneath his sweaty palms. This time he couldn’t just pretend away his problems, convince his dad that therapy was a money trap, that they wouldn’t say he was better until there was no more money left to spend. This time he would have to stick it out till the end, if there was to be one.

 

            “Okay, whatever the doc thinks is best.” Shawn turned, swinging his helmet under his arm to give her two thumbs up, refusing to meet Winnie’s stare even though he could feel the man’s eyes boring into him, hot and sharp. He paused for only a moment, eyes lingering on Juliet’s empty desk, before walking briskly away towards the doors.

 

            Both Jules and Lassie hadn’t been at their desks for the duration of the time Shawn had been sitting outside the chief Vick’s office looking for anything to distract himself with. Most likely they were on a case, maybe even the one the chief had promised them if they completed the mandatory session with Winnie, but more likely a more routine case, one of the ones that had piled up in their absence. Shawn would have normally gone looking for them, not wanting to be excluded, but not now, he didn’t have the energy. He would wait till tomorrow when the chief would brief them like she had promised she would.

 

            Turning on his phone he walked down the steps, the sun warming his skin but doing nothing for the cold icy feeling that circulated throughout his entire body. There were ten missed messages from Gus and six missed calls. Four of which were from Gus. One was from his dad and one was from Jules, probably complaining about the truck washing and telling him to stop ignoring Gus respectively. Sighing he clicked on Gus’s name and waited for him to pick up. The phone hadn’t even finished its first ring when Gus answered.

 

            His voice was raged and desperate, and Shawn felt a stab of guilt for not calling him sooner.

 

            “Shawn! Shawn I’m so sorry I didn’t mean any of those things I said, I was just upset. You’re my best friend and I just want you to be happy. If you don’t want to do it that’s fine with me, we can figure out a way around it.”

 

            “Gus it’s fine, we’re fine.” Running a hand through his hair he sighed, stopping to stand next to his bike. He rubbed at his eyes, all he wanted to do was lie down, “I did the assessment, we’re good, we can take cases again.”

 

            “That’s great, Shawn!” The relief was palpable in Gus’s voice. For all the support his best friend was trying to give him, the words he had yelled earlier still held some truth. Gus would never admit it but he would have resented Shawn had he not gone to the appointment,  “Wasn’t so bad was it?” Now he sounded more relaxed, falling back into his usual tone, Shawn smiled ruefully,

 

            “No, not bad at all, I don’t know why I was so worried before. It was stupid.” He wore a painted on smile even though he knew Gus couldn’t see; it was always better to look okay even when you were just talking on the phone, it helped to reinforce the lie. On the inside however he felt empty, drained of all emotion, a mindless robot. He was hollow, just a shell going through the motions.

 

            “You wanna go get waffles or something?” Shawn tried not to let the all-consuming need to hang out with his best friend, to laugh, take over his voice. He forced himself to remain casual, unaffected.

 

            “Sorry Shawn, I can’t right now, besides, don’t you have an appointment with your dad’s truck?” It was just a joke something to lighten the mood, to smooth over the rough patch of the morning, harmless. The words stuck Shawn like a blow and something deep inside him snapped. It took all of his strength not to collapse and fall to the ground. Throwing out a hand Shawn steadied himself, pressing his palm onto the seat of his motorcycle and taking a deep breath.

 

            “Yeah, yeah I do buddy, thanks for reminding me.” Maybe his tone was a little sharper than it would be normally but as the last bit of his hope shattered he couldn’t be bothered to care. There was a pause on the other end of the line and for a moment he thought Gus was reconsidering, had picked up on his desperation in his voice.

 

            “Talk to you later.” There was a bit of a question in his voice as he said it and Shawn exhaled slowly.

 

            “Sure, bye Gus.” He tried to sound upbeat, flippant, and normal. He wasn’t quiet sure if he had pulled it off but there was no pause this time before Gus replied,

 

            “Bye.” Gus hung up and Shawn’s smile instantly dropped of his face, he slumped, stuffing his hands into his pockets and pushing himself up, swinging a leg over his motorcycle.

 

            The ride to his dad’s was over much too quickly, it seemed like he blinked and it was over. Exhaustion crept up his throat and he frowned, hesitating for a moment before stepping off of his bike. Drawing himself up Shawn smirked and sauntered up to his dad’s back door, raising his fist to knock.

 

            “So you finally decided to show up huh,” whirling around to face his dad Shawn grinned nodding, “Well you’re in luck, I haven’t cleaned the truck yet,” he gestured behind him to where the car stood, the ground around to it littered with buckets, sponges, dish soap, and a hose, “So you can go right ahead and start on it.” Rolling his eyes Shawn groaned and jogged past his father and headed towards the dirty mustard colored pickup truck.

 

            “Don’t you want to know how my psych eval went?” His father laughed and turned around, hands on his hips. Shawn raised his eyebrows and waggled them with a mischief that he didn’t feel as he turned on the hose, filling each bucket with a fair amount of water and suds.

 

            “Is that where you were all afternoon? Well how did it go, getting thrown into an institution anytime soon?” Scoffing Shawn turned off the hose,

 

            “I’ll have you know, father, that the whole team had to get one, to insure we aren’t traumatized and all, and I passed with flying colors.” He tried to keep his voice even as he remembered the session, the feeling of fingers roving all over him. His dad just chuckled, not noticing his son’s discomfort. Suddenly Shawn felt anger welling up inside of him. The master detective couldn’t even tell when his own son was in pain, hiding something. The man had always stressed to him that it was important to be able to pick up on small cues, and here he was not picking up on those very same cues.

 

            Just as quickly as the anger had swelled up it disappeared. He couldn’t blame his dad, sure he wasn’t acting 100% himself, but he had always been guarded when it came to his mental state. It wasn’t as if he and his dad told each other everything anyway, Henry probably thought he wouldn’t say anything even if he asked, he wasn’t entirely wrong.

 

            Shawn couldn’t blame him for before either. That had been during the divorce, when his dad had been drinking, trying to forget all of his problems and in the process missing the way Shawn always seemed extra jumpy after his therapy sessions, how he flinched when he was touched half the time, how he had stopped talking as much, stopped eating as much. Henry had missed it all. He wasn’t alone, his mother had missed it too, but she hadn’t been around as much to notice it in the first place.

 

            “I’m sure you did son, now lets get this car cleaned, shall we?” He patted Shawn on the shoulder missing the way his son fidgeted before turning around, the edges of his lips turned up slightly.

 

            “Alright pops, whatever you say.” Shawn replied cheerfully, saluting his father playfully. The older man chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

 

            “Whatever I…” he scoffed, “I doubt that Shawn.” Leaning down to pick up a sponge, the old detective shot him a look and Shawn just waved his hand dismissively in the air reaching for a sponge of his own.

 

            They worked in silence for a little while before his dad opened his mouth to say something. Before he could utter a word Shawn’s phone went off, shooting his dad a somewhat apologetic smile he reached for his phone. The number was one his phone didn’t recognize but Shawn answered without pause, potential clients called his phone all the time when they couldn’t reach him at the official office number, something Gus often reminded him was a bad idea.

 

            _“Clients are for work Shawn, don’t mix work and personal, it get’s messy.” Shawn had laughed at that, elbowing him playfully,_

_“What, messier than Mira?”_

 

            “Hello, psychic extraordinaire speaking.” He glanced over at his dad who was shaking his head as he scrubbed the side of the truck, trying to hide the fond smile that twitched at the edges of his mouth.

 

            “Hello Shawn.” Winnie chirped from the other line. Shawn instantly stiffened a cold shiver raising goose bumps on his arms. Forcing himself to relax he stepped further away from his dad, lowering his voice and hunching over his phone slightly.

 

            “This isn’t a good time.” His voice was cold, hard to keep it from shaking. His heart pounded in his chest and he could feel the blood pumping frantically through his veins.

 

            “Oh but it is,” came the calm and callous reply, “It really is.” The background of the call was noiseless, lacking even the sounds one could hear when sitting in the man’s office. The walls weren’t soundproof even if they were thick, the office removed from the intense hub of the station for privacy reasons. The lack of noise made him think the man was probably on in the records room, the only place Shawn had found to be almost soundless in the station. There was the hum of the florescent lights and the sounds of people walking past, but even those were dim and uncommon.

 

            “My dad’s right here,” Shawn hissed into the speaker hoping it might make Winnie back off, afraid of being caught. He heard a shuffling sound on the other end of the line and could picture Winnie readjusting himself, smoothing the wrinkles in his button down, pausing to retie his shoes.

 

            “Don’t worry I just wanted to inform you that you have an appointment tomorrow morning before the chief’s briefing.” He was freezing despite the warm weather and he rubbed at his arms, trying to heat them up, stop the fear flowing freely through his veins.

 

            “I thought I wouldn’t have one until next week.” His voice was shaking now ever so slightly and Shawn winced, trying to compose himself. A dark grating laugh sounded though the phone.

 

            “No this isn’t your appointment, this is us making up for lost time.” The glee he seemed to get from this revelation made Shawn sick, his stomach churning uncomfortable. His throat constricted and he pinched his arm, trying to keep himself grounded in the moment.

 

            “I c-” His protests were cut off by the unfeeling, severe voice on the other end of the phone. A sob welled up in his chest and he bit down harshly on his tongue to keep it from escaping the confines of his mouth.

 

            “Be there Shawn.” Winnie’s voice was like steel, all amusement gone. It constricted Shawn, a metal hand squeezing him until he felt as if he would pop. He felt as if his words weren’t his own and when he spoke it was if he was listening in on someone else’s conversation, an uninvolved bystander.

 

            “Okay.” Came his barely audible reply, it sounded like a sigh the way it escaped his lips and he could feel the last of his barely there energy being drawn from him.

 

            “Good boy, see you tomorrow.” The line went dead and Shawn white knuckled his phone, trying to keep himself from throwing up. His skin prickled at the man’s words and he stood still, swallowing several times before he was able to calm himself down. Tremors made his hands shake and he stuffed them into his pockets.

 

            “Shawn,” his father’s voice sounded right next to him and Shawn jumped, flailing around to see the worried expression on his father’s face, “You alright son?”

 

            “Never better.” Weakly he smiled and pushed past his father, picking up his discarded sponge and continuing to clean the car. Bile pushed at the back of his throat and he swallowed.

 

            “Shawn,” the hand on his shoulder made him stiffen and he forced himself to relax, his muscles loosening only slightly as he looked behind him at his father, “Who was that?”

 

            Shawn shrugged, still trying to recover his voice. His dad raised an eyebrow at him and he cleared his throat, wincing slightly at how hoarse he sounded,

 

            “Lassiter, why?” His father frowned eyebrows pulling in, nose wrinkling. The expression made him look older, more his age. The look was one he had become accustomed to over the years, one of worry and suspicion. The first time he remembered seeing it was when he was six and had spent the afternoon running around the neighborhood with Gus. His dad had gone sick with worry, he hadn’t been supposed to leave the backyard, and had fixed him with the look when he had finally returned, laughing and grinning broadly.

 

            “Because you look like you are going to throw up.” His dad said it simply, without the usual judgment that marred his voice and Shawn barely kept himself from appearing startled. Laughing he turned, patting his father on the shoulder, and returning to the task of scrubbing down the car.

 

            “Yeah dad, Lassie tends to have that effect on people.” Henry gave him an odd look, eyebrows pulling together lips turning down at the edges. His eyes flicked up and down his son and Shawn tried not to fidget, unsuccessful in that pursuit as always.

 

            “You sure your alright kid?” It was one of the most honest questions his father had asked him for a while and Shawn faltered, mouth opening and closing once before he nodded. Shawn caught his dad’s eye attempting a smile and waving his hand a little to dispel any doubt, though judging from the grunt he got in return it wasn’t believed.

 

            “Listen dad, I got to go.” The urge to get out of the yard, out from under his dad’s searching gaze. He dropped the sponge, wiping the sudsy water off on his jeans and refusing to meet his father’s eyes a second time. He didn’t look back as he walked away, he knew his dad would be mad but his stomach was churning uncomfortably and his skin was cold, cool sweat drying uncomfortably on his skin.

 

            “Shawn? Shawn! Get back here, Shawn!” Angry shouts followed him out, but he easily ignored them, he’d had enough practice. He could hear muffled curses as his dad tried to maneuver through the minefield of cleaning supplies stopping him from racing after Shawn.

 

            “Sorry dad, got to go.” A small spark of guilt ignited in his chest but Shawn snuffed it out, reaching his motorcycle and quickly pulling the helmet over his hair. This wasn’t the first time he bailed on his dad and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooo hope that wasn't too dreadful, its really short and took a while to put up, but I've got more time(and less writers block) so i should update more frequently. Comment with any suggestions or feedback. :)  
> p.s: i really hate using the writers block excuse but I just felt like everything I wrote wasn't good, at all. Sorry again :):)<3


	4. Memory's Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory.

_"Dad please don't make me go." It was a desperate, begging plea. The final bit of fight had in him, a last ditch effort considering they were walking up the steps of the building, but Shawn figured he had to at least try. "Please dad I'm fine I don't need to see a therapist." His dad just snorted and tugged a little on Shawn's wrist. Glancing down at the struggling boy in his grasp his dad frowned,_

_"Shawn I won't do this with you every time. This is good for you, in twenty years I don't want you blaming me for succumbing to your efforts and letting you out of this." Shawn bit his lip and scowled, trying to keep tears from bursting from his eyes._

_"I won't blame you for letting me out of it, making me go on the other hand..." Shawn shuffled his feet as his father all but dragged him through the door. He tried to keep from falling flat on his face as his father hauled him up the last step to the building. His toe caught on the edge of the concrete surface and he stumbled, saved only by the death grip on his wrist._

_"Shawn your mother and I don't agree on much but we agree on this." The finality in his father’s statement was clear, his eyes flashing in a way that said let me at least have this. Shawn just clenched his jaw and waited in silence as his father signed them in. Henry smiled at the receptionist and then walked over to the seats, squatting down so he was eye level with his son. "Look son," sighing deeply Henry ran a hand through his hair and Shawn's glare softened a little, he could hear the tiredness in his dad's breath, "I just don't want something else to fight over. Please don't give us something else to fight over." All the stubbornness, the desperate will to fight that had so fully possessed him a moment ago drained away and he nodded sullenly and with resignation. He was tired of the fighting too, the endless stream of yelling and slamming doors, and the sound of his dad pouring himself a drink. If him going to therapy would help…maybe it was worth it._

_Smiling tightly his father squeezed his shoulder and sat next to Shawn in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs that lined the yellowish walls. Shawn counted the seconds by swinging his feet back and forth, his toes just reaching the floor. His mom always said that he was growing faster then the earth turned, he smiled slightly, imagining himself shooting up like a giant, tall and able to crush anyone in his step. Or, more specifically, being able to crush Winnie in his step, the grin widened a little and he imagined glowering down at the man, towering over him, instead of the opposite._

_"Shawn." The sound of the receptionist’s voice brought him out of his thoughts and he blinked, following the jut of her chin to the door of the waiting room where Dr. Winnie stood smiling sweetly. Shawn forced a grotesque smile that was probably more of a grimace and slowly stood up, staring at the doctor’s shoes until he felt a light shove at his back. Taking a deep breath he walked confidently toward Winnie, ignoring the fear that banged at the walls of his stomach. Winnie hated it when Shawn acted out around his father, had to keep the suspicions down after all._

_The hand that grabbed his when he finally reached the door was cold and clammy and Shawn tensed a little, instinctively hating the feel of it against his skin. He flexed his fingers and felt the hand holding his tighten in warning._

_"Hi Mr. Spencer." The friendliness of Winnie's voice was so genuine that Shawn was almost impressed. It was no wonder that his father didn't suspect anything, that the amazing detective didn’t sense anything off. His father gave a strained attempt at a smile and a little wave, standing up from his chair with a grunt. Winnie turned then, tugging Shawn around and abruptly cutting off his view of his father._

_As Dr. Winnie pulled him from the door towards his office his grip got increasingly tighter until Shawn winced at the bruising strength of the hold. Dread constricted his lungs as they got closer and closer to the dark brown door, making each breath a battle. The golden letters on the door shone with a brightness that starkly contrasted the bleak and hopeless feeling that was quick to consume him every time he saw it._

_The inside of the office was no better; although it gave off the vibe of a comfortable homely room with the soft brown chairs, a matching couch, black beanbag, and dark wooden desk with a painting of hectic sea slightly to the left of the chair. The picture was annoyingly out of place, something no doubt calculated to make people just a bit unsettled. It was like an itch just under your skin, annoying but not to the point of inconvenience._

_"So Shawn, how are we feeling today?" Winnie looked genuinely concerned as he leaned back on his desk, arms folded, waiting for Shawn to sit down. His eyes looked slightly steely behind their sincerity, like a serpent hiding in a bush. He always did this, started there session innocently, sometimes it would stay that way except for a few brushes of the man’s hand in his hair. Other times though, it would spiral into something dark that made Shawn’s skin crawl, made him want to rub himself raw._

_Slowly Shawn walked to the chair farthest from the desk and sat down. Winnie's expression twitched and Shawn bit back a smirk. It was a small victory but a victory nonetheless._

_"Fine." Shawn tried to keep his voice even and emotionless, the way Winnie often sounded. Sometimes if he didn't respond Winnie would get frustrated and ask him questions to try to provoke a reaction, though if that didn't work he would resort to more...drastic measures._

_"Only fine Shawn?" Winnie made his way over to where Shawn sat on the chair and kneeled down. Shawn’s felt his heart pound harder with every step the man took, it would be one of those days then._

_He tried to back up, pulling his feet onto the cushions and wrapping his arms around himself. "I'll make you feel like a million bucks." Winnie's voice was startlingly loud next to Shawn's ear, a sudden drain of all of the remaining hope that he hadn’t known still fluttered softly within him._

_Identical to the cold hand that caressed his cheek, staining him, was the one that wrapped around his heart, making him shiver and quake at its imprint, its chilled authority. His body tensed and the tears that had vanished from his eyes were back, pressing painfully, wanting to be released._

_“No.” His voice was a whisper, Shawn could barely hear it himself, but Winnie heard, and the hand on Shawn’s wrist tightens. For a millisecond Shawn’s genuinely afraid, the last time he had said…sessions had doubled, they were only now getting back to normal. They couldn’t go back to twice a week, he couldn’t go back to twice a week. A laugh startled him out of his reprieve,_

_“Oh Shawn,” Winnie leaned in closer so that his lip ghosted over Shawn’s jaw, “I find your belief in your ability to resist…interesting, but tiresome.” He cocked his head lightly, breath tickling Shawn’s skin._

_Shawn closed his eyes, willing himself to slip away, to disappear back to before the divorce, before the measured glances and fights that raged for hours. To a time where he and Gus sat carefree on the swing set, talking for hours. To a time before his heart carried the marred image of a handprint and his skin was always cold. To a time before he grew accustomed to submitting, to trying to slip away, to a time before this._

_“Block it out,” he thought to himself desperately, scrambling for anything to help maintain his sanity, to help him detach, “don’t observe, don’t think, don’t infer, don’t count hats, just escape.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, sorry for the infrequent updates. I promise I haven't forgotten about this story I will have a better more content-y chapter up hopefully soon. <3 :)  
> Leave me a comment or kudo, they are much appreciated.


	5. And the Hunt Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Gus start to investigate a case

            He was numb, raw from the inside out. His tongue felt thick in his mouth and his head felt sluggish, as if everything had been slowed down by half a second. Winnie was leering at him, patting his cheek and saying something Shawn couldn’t hear over the blood rushing in his ears. Swallowing hurt his throat and he winced, standing as the joints of his knees cracked. He blinked once, twice then turned, stumbling as he attempted to walk towards the door. A bruising grip on his wrist jerked him backwards and the hand still hanging limply by his side constricted, tightening into a fist.

 

            “Did I tell you that you could leave?” The cruelty in Winnie’s voice sent a shiver down Shawn’s spine. He felt warmth at his back as the other man stepped closer to him, his shoulder barely brushing against Shawn’s. “You aren’t dismissed until I say so, until I’m done.” His voice was dripping with content making Shawn feel small, shoulders hunching forward, head bowing. “Now that I have you again there’s no way I’m letting you go.” The hand on Shawn’s arm tightened and Shawn took a deep breath, trying not to think about the dark purple marks he could already feel forming on his skin.

 

            “I have to get to the briefing, it’s starting soon.” The hoarse sound of his voice grated on his ears and he cleared his throat, not having to turn to know that Winnie wore a smirk of satisfaction.

 

            There was a terrifying moment when Winnie’s hand stayed firmly encircled around his wrist and Shawn tried not to panic. They both stood motionless for a beat, two before Winnie’s grip loosened and Shawn was able to pull away. His hand throbbed at his side but he refused to rub at it, he wouldn’t give Winnie the gratification.

 

            Shawn surged forward, propelling himself towards the door with a sudden burst of energy, his mind slowly clearing. The feeling of the cold metal door handle beneath his fingers helped to ground him.

 

            “See you next week, Shawn.” The words held a threat a malice that made him tense, made the gnawing sensation of fear flare up for a moment. His joints felt stiff and he turned the doorknob and swung the door open, almost falling in his desperation to escape. In his chest his heart beat rapidly, pounding away in his ears and he dug his nails into his palms, trying to make his breathing less shallow.

 

            The noise of the police station gradually overcame the rhythmic beating in his ears and he deflated, sagging back against the wall of the office behind him. He watched officers bustle around him, talking, laughing, and filling out paperwork. A sense of normality started to settle over him and the tightness in his chest loosened a bit. He shoved down the despair that was slinking its way to the forefront of his consciousness, plastering a pleasant smile on his face and pushing off the wall behind him.

 

            “Shawn!” Jules’s voice, light with surprise and obvious cheerfulness carried across the police station and he craned his neck to see her around the busy officers. He waved, a bit of truth slipping into the otherwise fake smile, seeing her always lifted his spirits.

 

            Lassiter frowned at him as he wove his way through the sets of desks and people that blocked his path to Jules. Patting the detective on the shoulder, Shawn relished the slightly irritated look on his tall man’s face.

 

            “Hey Jules.” Shawn turned to his girlfriend, and she offered him a small, restrained smile, she was at work after all. He opened his arms, stepping forward to envelope her in a tight hug. He buried his face in her hair and took a breath, relishing the smell of lavender that filled his nose. Some of the tension left his shoulders as the feeling of familiar warmth spread within him. Everywhere his body met hers was like a purifying point of light, washing away the invisible handprints that Winnie had stained his skin with. She huffed at him, squeezing him back before detangling herself from his arms, leaving only the fingers touching, brushing lightly against each other. Lassiter groaned trying his best to sound disgusted.

 

            “Must you do that here?” Lassiter was as gruff as ever and Shawn turned to him, sporting his usual smirk,

 

            “What, jealous that you can’t get a piece of this?” He gestured to himself and Lassie scoffed, rolling his eyes and folding his arms over his chest defensively. Jules elbowed him in the side and he let out an exaggerated sound of pain, rubbing his side and savoring the fond look that settled over her face.

 

            “Hey Shawn, Juliet.” Gus appeared looking over Lassie’s shoulder, the detective uncrossed his arms, stepping to the side to allow Gus to move past him.

 

            “Took you long enough.” Lassiter grumbled, walking towards the Chief’s door and knocking, still mumbling under his breath. Gus’s eyebrows rose and he sent a what’s-up-with-him look at Shawn who is turn just mimed the crazy gesture next to his head, which got him a slap on his bruising wrist from Juliet. He cringed and swallowed hard, not allowing himself to rub at the throbbing skin.

 

            “Come in.” Chief Vick’s voice rang loud and clear through the wooden walls and Lassiter pushed the door open, jerking his head for the others to follow. Shawn paused for a moment, reaching over to grab Jules’s hand, before following Gus into the office. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Juliet’s hand in small circles, more to reassure himself that he was there, with her, then anything else.

 

            The chief gestured with her hand for them to sit, waiting till Lassiter had settled himself in his chair, a bit resentfully before starting. She looked better than she had in days, bags under her eyes lighter, back straighter, face less pinched. Her coffee cup sat on her desk, as per usual, but today she wasn’t clutching at it like it was her lifeline.

 

            “In the past three weeks there have been four kidnappings,” Shawn sat up a little straighter in his seat, dropping Juliet’s hand, “all of them kids under the age of fourteen. Different socioeconomic backgrounds, different races, different genders.” She pushed a file forward towards Lassiter who nodded, picking up the file and opening it on his knee so that Juliet could see the information, as could Shawn if he peered over Jules’s shoulder. Lassiter glanced up and saw Shawn straining to see what was in the folder and grimaced, snapping the folder shut. Next to him he caught Gus rolling his eyes at Lassie’s antics. “None of the families got ransom notes and a black van was seen near three of the crime scenes, partial plates P4G. We want to get this wrapped up as soon as possible, these are kids.” Shawn clenched his fists on his lap, determination flaring up like a fire in his gut.

 

            “Don’t worry chief, we got this.” Karen looked over to Shawn and tilted her head slightly, ignoring the glowering look Lassiter wore.

 

            “Well Mr. Spencer, the sooner the better.” She smiled and looked at them all expectantly, waiting a moment before raising her eyebrows. Simultaneously they all got the message, fumbling to stand and make their way out of the room, mumbling apologies and bumping into each other as they went.

 

            Shawn bit back a grin, a kidnapping, nice and simple. It would serve as a good distraction from everything, their last case, Winnie. He needed this, an easy solve with the benefit of saving children and putting scumbags behind bars. Jules shrugged at him, a small smile flashing across her lips as Lassiter turned and started to walk towards the doors to the station, muttering something about talking to the victims families. Shawn touched the small of her back lightly as she hurried to follow her partner, watching for a moment before turning back to where Gus was standing beside him.

 

            “Did you get a look at the file the chief gave Lassiter?” Gus looked at him questioningly as they started to make their way out of the station. Shawn sucked his teeth, cocking his head at Gus,

 

            “Man, you know I did.” Gus smiled, holding up his hand for a fist bump,

 

            “What.” Raising his own fist Shawn relished in the feeling of familiarity he got as he bumped his knuckles against Gus’s. This case was going to go well, he could feel it.

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            “Shawn, why are we here? The police already processed the crime scene.” Gus was standing a foot away from Shawn, watching as he felt underneath the box that posted the times the bus arrived.

 

            “Gus, are you seriously asking me that?” Shawn let out a breath, straightening and dusting off his hand on his jeans, “you know as well as I do that sometimes the police miss things—especially that new CSI guy. What’s his name, Lenny?” Gus rolled his eyes and leaned back against the edge of the glass that sheltered the small bus stop from the elements.

 

            “I’m just saying Shawn, this bus stop has been used since the abduction, it’s been like three days since the police finished up here. Any potential evidence is more than likely gone.” It was a reasonable statement, one Shawn was almost inclined to agree with considering he had found nothing out of the ordinary so far. He frowned, moving on to peer at the graffiti scratched into the glass and metal, nudging Gus out of the way with his shoulder.

 

            “I know Gus, but the oldest kid to be taken was thirteen-year-old Alex, and the last place she was seen was here.” Gus just raised his eyebrow at him, shoving him a bit with his elbow in retaliation of being moved from his spot.

 

            “I realize that, Shawn.” He was starting to sound a little annoyed and Shawn huffed, catching his eye for a moment before smiling and turning back to the scratches.

 

            “Right, well I texted Jules in the car and she sent me a picture of Alex’s file. Turns out the girl is super smart, gets great grades in school and, according to her parents, has good analysis skills, part of the reason they were surprised that she was kidnapped. They say she would never get into a car with a stranger,” Shawn glanced at Gus expectantly and his partner sighed, shifting his weight and folding his arms over his chest,

 

            “So?” Gus sounded resigned as he spoke and Shawn beamed, he knew how much Gus hated it when he wasn’t direct but it was much more fun to keep his friend guessing.

 

            “So, a girl like that obviously didn’t go without a struggle of some kind, and I’m betting she tried to leave something behind to help us find her.” Shawn bent down to examine the underside of the metal seats, trying to avoid getting gum in his hair.

 

            Gus let out a breathy laugh, scoffing,

 

            “Isn’t that kind of a stretch? Just because she’s smart doesn’t mean-” Shawn’s hand struck the sharp edge of paper and he grinned, pulling at the object until it came free of the gum that was sticking it to the underside of the seat. He held the card up high above his head and smirked when Gus cut himself off. Shawn stood, stepping closer to Gus so that they could both examine the business card he held in his hand.

 

            The card was plain enough, white card stock with black lettering. It was blank on one side and had very little information on the other. The name of the business and a number by which it could be reached was all the card displayed: **PHIL’S DRIVE AND DELIVERY** **_1-800-714-2682_**. Shawn’s brows pulled in and he looked up at Gus who wore a similar expression. Gus blinked, and his face morphed into something a little more hesitant.

 

            “This doesn’t prove anything Shawn, how do you know she was the one who put it there? Tons of people have been here, any one of them could have stuck that card there.” Taking a step back, apprehension clear in his voice Gus looked at him and Shawn sighed After so many years of this he couldn’t believe Gus still insisted on being difficult, he was always right, well most of the time.

 

            “Come on! Look there’s a chance Alex left this as a desperate attempt to help the police find her.” He wrapped his arm around Gus’s shoulder and raised his voice to a girly falsetto, “Please Mr. Gus please, don’t let the bad man win.” He threw in a fake sob for dramatic affect and Gus winced. Pulling away he batted at Shawn’s arm and shook his head,

 

            “Fine Shawn you win, she left the card here.” He threw his hands up, exasperated, “We should take the card back to the station, see who owns the business.” Gus was already walking backwards towards where the blueberry was parked, gesturing for Shawn to follow. Shawn just held up his hand, shaking his head,

 

            “No no no, Gus, we should just head over to their headquarters.” He stuffed the card into his back pocket next to his phone and took a step forward. Gus shook his head, slowing to a stop,

 

            “And how do you plan on doing that Shawn, they obviously didn’t list their address for a reason, probably because they’re crazy kidnappers who we shouldn’t be interrogating without the police there.” Shawn just smiled, Gus was always quick to accuse when he thought the situation could get dangerous. Walking by Gus he clapped him on the shoulder and earned a reproachful sucking of the teeth in return,

 

            “Don’t worry Gus, I know where it is. When I was apartment shopping the last time I looked at a place by there. I thought it was a sketchy name for a car service company at the time, that’s why I remember.” Shawn waited for Gus to unlock the car for before sliding in smoothly to the blueberry’s passenger seat. Gus snorted, nodding and starting up the car. Shawn leaned back, sticking his arms behind his head. He was feeling better now that he was away from the station and involved in a case. The woozy sensation that had overwhelmed him earlier was gone, and the hard rock of dread in his gut was growing smaller and smaller with every passing hour. Checking the car’s clock he smiled, 11:47, perfect time for lunch. “But first, lets stop for pancakes.” Shawn saw a small smile flash across Gus’s face as he pulled out of the parking spot and headed down the street in the direction of their favorite diner.

 

            “I hear that,” Gus’s voice was sincere and Shawn exhaled through his nose, glad they had completely overcome the momentary blip of awkwardness caused by their fight; it always felt better to have his best friend on his side. The pancakes were a plus too.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

            The storefront had a shady look to it, not helping to rid the name of some of its strangeness. It was dark, a navy blue awning with once-white lettering. Streaks of seagull poop and dark lines from where rainwater had permanently stained the polyester fabric dotted the awning giving it an unpleasantly run down look. Metal grating was pulled over both the dark windows on either side of the door, it was rusting in a few spots and only added to the vibe. If it hadn’t been for the open sign on the dirty glass door the store would have appeared closed.

 

            “Well if they were going for ‘hey this is definitely a front for something illegal’ look then they nailed the look.” Gus sounded a little resentful as he spoke, maybe it was the syrup Shawn had accidently gotten on the dashboard of the blueberry. Chuckling Shawn clapped Gus on the back and jogged towards the door. Gus, grumbling about being hit too hard, followed him after a moment and walked in right behind him as Shawn pushed open the door. The chime that tinkled overhead as they entered announced their presence.

 

            Inside the store was not much better than outside, it was small, with only a bench to the right of the door and a counter with a cash register, outdated brochures, a bell, and business cards on it. The walls were a dark grey and the floor was tiled with cheap looking linoleum. Old pictures hung in the wall, the glass smudged and cracked. They held a variety of seemingly random things, a newspaper clipping, a picture of a couple in there late thirties smiling at each other, a tacky rose painting, and appeared as though they were trying to trick the observer into thinking they held a sentimental value. Right above the door sat a video camera, it looked old had probably stopped working years ago. Everything looked as though it was covered with a thin layer of dust. Gus grimaced, running his finger along the bench and coming up with a visible amount of filth. He showed the dirty finger to Shawn with raised eyebrows, eyes flicking to the door they had just come through. Shawn shook his head and Gus’s eyebrows pulled in, he opened his mouth to protest but Shawn silenced him quickly, putting a finger to his own lips to warn against speaking.

 

            Stepping forward Shawn glanced at the counter, taking note of the useless pamphlets and stack of cards identical to the one in his pocket. To the left on the counter was a hinged piece of wood that served as the entrance to any area behind the counter. It was also the cleanest surface in the store. Shawn looked back at Gus who was peering at one of the picture frames, the one of the rose, before wrapping his edge around the edge of the wood and pushing it up above his head. The squeaking of its hinges was rather alarming in the silence and Shawn froze, catching Gus’s eye when the man’s head snapped towards him.

 

            “Shawn,” he hissed under his breath, padding forward on silent feet and ducking under Shawn’s arm so that he joined him on the opposite side of the counter, “you have to be more quite, what if someone comes out here?”

 

            Dropping his arm Shawn carefully lowered the wooden panel back into place, wincing at the slight whine the hinges let out at the movement.

 

            “Don’t worry Gus, if someone was going to come out here they would have already.” Gus just glared at him for a moment, unimpressed by the statement, before stepping around Shawn to examine the brochures. Refocusing Shawn looked around the small space behind the counter. There was nothing much there, just an empty silver picture frame and a grey-green door pressed into the wall to his left.

 

            Eyeing the door Shawn squinted, vision catching three long black hairs that sat slightly to the right of the door jam. Hitting Gus in the side with the back of his hand he crouched down, reaching out to grab the hairs. The hairs where just a little longer than shoulder length and Shawn though back to the picture of Alex that had been in the file. She was Philippian, tan skin and black hair that landed about three inches past her shoulders. Shawn smirked waving the clue at Gus as his friend squatted down next to him, mouthing ‘Alex’s hair.’ Gus’s eyes widened and he started to respond when the doorknob above their heads started to turn. They exchanged startled looks before scrabbling to stand, just about to slip out from behind the counter when the door opened and a man that had about five inches on both Gus and him.

 

            He was buff, not in the muscular sense exactly, more in the thick as a brick sense. His shoulders alone looked like weapons, broad and sturdy. He was bald, a scruffy five o’ clock shadow and thick eyebrows more than making up for the lack of hair. Piercing green eyes stared with a cold malice that made Shawn shiver, taking a small step away from the intimidating man in front of him.

 

            Shawn swallowed, plastering on a smile, something he was getting a little too used to doing, and nudged Gus in the ribs,

 

            “See I told you there were people in this store.” He kept his voice light and smug, as though he had just won a fight. Gus and the man just stared at him silently and he forced himself to continue. “Sorry about being back here, but we kept ringing the bell,” he gestured to the counter, “and no one was answering but we saw the door over here so we thought we’d knock and see if we got a response.” The man regarded him for a moment before snorting and slamming the door closed behind him. Through the crack in the door before it shut Shawn caught sight of a pair of stairs winding downwards, a soft light coming from somewhere he couldn’t see.

 

            “That bell hasn’t worked in weeks.” The amusement in the man’s voice was surprising but Shawn just laughed ignoring the smug look the tall man ore.

 

            “Well that would explain it then wouldn’t it. You should really get that fixed.” Grunting the man pulled up the wooden exit and pushed them both out from behind the counter.

 

            “Who are you?” There was no amusement this time just a kind of bored suspicion as the man leaned forward on the counter, eyes flicking back in forth between the two of them.

 

            “I’m Shawn and this is my partner Pepe le Pow,” next to him Gus mimed punching someone, “and we’re here to see about hiring some of your cars for a massive pick up job.” The man just stared at them, taking his time to drag his eyes over both of them a couple of times before the sound of a vibrating phone drew his attention to his pants. Keeping his eyes on the two of them the man stuck one big meaty arm into his back pocket and fished out the phone. It was old, a flip phone, probably a burner, and Shawn strained to see the incoming number on the screen when the man flipped it open but all he got were the last four numbers- 4725. Glowering at the two of them one more time stepped out from behind the counter, holding the wooden flap so tightly it looked as though it might splinter to pieces in his muscular grip.

 

            “I gotta take this, but I’ll be right back.” He took a step closer to the two of them, allowing the wood panel to crash back into its place, making Shawn flinch, “If I don’t see the two of you standing right here when I get back, were going to have a problem.” Leering at them he waited until they nodded to turn his back on them and hurriedly make his way out of the store, bringing the phone to his ear and saying something too low for them to make out.

 

            Shawn waited until the door had closed, chimes tinkling, before ducking under the counter and heading straight for the door.

 

            “Shawn!” Gus stood stock still peering outside worriedly, watching for the man’s return, “Get back here, we have no idea when he’s coming back and I do not want to find out what he’ll do to us if were not standing here when he gets back.” Shawn rolled his eyes, hand closing around the doorknob and twisting,

 

            “Come on Gus, you saw the way he rushed out of here, no doubt he’ll be on the phone for a few minutes. That gives us few minutes to look around.” He opened the door easily and gestured for Gus to come join him.

 

            “No, no, I will not go down those creepy stairs to some creepy basement filled with creepy guys who want to kill us.” To emphasize his words he stabbed his finger accusingly in the direction of the stairs, still rooted to the spot. Shawn shrugged,

 

            “Fine, then stay up here and if that guy comes back you can explain to him why I’m not here. I’m sure he’ll be reasonable.” Smirking Shawn stepped through the door and, after a moment, heard Gus’s shoes clacking against the floor as he followed him.

 

            The staircase was dark, the only light coming from the store above and the room that awaited them below. The stairs themselves were made of worn wood and whined with every step. Walking on the edges of the steps so as to make the least amount of noise Shawn slowly made his way down, gesturing for Gus to follow. At the sharp turn halfway down they both paused for a moment before slowly peering around the corner. From what they could see, which was admittedly not much, the basement looked deserted, the light illuminating an empty concrete floor.

 

            “Shawn.” Gus whispered, running his hands over the wall to his left. He moved aside and pointed to several lines at about waist height running down most of the wall and stopping abruptly at the corner. The brown paint on the walls had been torn away in four jagged strips and Shawn fitted his fingers over them, miming dragging them down the wall until he reached the turn. There he saw dried flaky red substance on the forth scratch mark, where he could only assume one of Alex’s fingernails had been ripped off.

 

            Looking up Shawn locked eyes with Gus who nodded at him; somber with the knowledge they had just gained. They continued down the stairs silently, pausing when they reached the bottom.

 

            The room that greeted them was surprisingly large, with three doors, one on each wall. On the wall directly opposite them was a door with the classic bathroom sign on it, the other two doors were blank. There was a desk pushed into the far right corner, close to the bathroom, with a phone, a lamp, and several stacks of paper. Next to it sat a trashcan that was half full, crumpled papers and a candy wrapper littering the area around the can. Four metal shelves were pressed against the walls, one on either side of the unmarked door to their left, one pressed against the wall to the right of the staircase, and one to the left of the bathroom door on the same wall. They were stainless steel and, in keeping with the rest of the store, were covered in a fine layer of grime. On top of the shelves sat all manner of things from car parts to thick moldy books, to rope, to spare tires, to chains with suspicious stains on them. A drain marked the center of the room, the only light, a bare bulb with a switch next to the stairs, hung directly over it. A workbench lay near the drain, grease stained and holding a container filled with nails and a dingy water bottle. The only other object in the room was a large chest that came about two feet off the floor and sat an awkward distance away from the wall to their left and the drain. Curious Shawn tugged at the chest’s handle but the box remained closed, a padlock clinking against the box’s metal clasp.

 

            Frowning Shawn eyed the lock for a moment before shaking his head slightly and moving to the unmarked door to the right of the stairs. Gus was busy examining the shelves, picking up random objects and replacing them, squinting at book titles. Twisting the knob of the door he pulled at it roughly but the door stayed closed. Shawn huffed out a breath of air, turning on his heel and stalking over to the other door and yanking it, he was met with the same result. Groaning he turned and hit his head against the door, the soft thunk sound breaking the heavy silence of the room. Gus glanced at him, eyebrows furrowing,

 

            “Shawn.” He said irritated, putting down the duct tape he had been looking at and shaking his head. Shawn relaxed, back pressed almost completely against the door, trying to come up with a plan when a sound from the door behind him startled them both, a loud rapping on the door. He turned, hitting the solid surface twice with his knuckles. A snort came from the other side of the door then a somewhat muffled feminine voice spoke,

 

            “Are you going to open the door or would you like to continue this game of call and response?” The voice was more amused then annoyed, but the words still carried the sarcastic flare typical of most teenagers. Shawn grinned over his shoulder at Gus who shrugged,

 

            “We don’t have the key.” He wasn’t really sure what he was expecting as a response, maybe some advice on where to find the key or something he could use to pick the lock with.

 

            “Well that gives us something in common then.” Now the girl did sound a little frustrated. Gus raised his eyebrows at Shawn who looked around, trying to find something he could use to pick the lock. One of the drawers to the desk, one that had a lock, sat slightly ajar and Shawn walked over to it, pulling it open to see a stack of documents. They showed records of money transfers and purchases, one referencing a farm, and he pushed them aside after pausing for a moment to skim them. Underneath the papers was nothing but the bottom of the drawer. His face pinched as he examined the drawer, the bottom was slightly off color and when he tapped it it sounded hollow. The corner of his mouth twitched up as he pried open the wood that severed as a false bottom. His smile widened further when he scooped out a key ring with six keys on it. Waving the ring over his head he caught Gus’s attention and they both rushed over to the door. Methodically he tried each key in the lock until finally on the fourth try they heard the clicking sound of the door unlocking. Shawn stepped back, throwing the door open and flooding the small room with light.

 

            There were seven beds in the room that was about the size of a walk in closet, two bunk beds on each wall and a old uncomfortable looking cot on the floor with a flat ragged pillow. The beds were bare of any coverings except one, which had a scratchy looking blanket messily thrown across the mattress.

 

            Directly across from them, squinting from the light bursting through the door, sat a girl with tanned, light brown skin, black hair that fell just past her shoulders and hazel brown eyes. She was wearing different clothes then what she had been reported missing in, jeans and tank top replaced with a tattered brown spaghetti strap dress. A piece of duct tape was hanging on her face, dangling off her cheek and her hands were bound behind her. The skin around her ankles was rubbed raw from where bonds had scratched at her skin. Bruises littered her arms and legs and there was a cut above her left eyebrow the blood dried to her skin. She blinked at them for a moment, eyes slowly adjusting, before she stiffened,

 

            “Behind you, idiots.” Shawn frowned, eyebrows pulling in as he glanced over his shoulder. He was just in time to catch the man the had met upstairs leering at them, lips pulled back in a shark like smile, before the door slammed shut, casting the room into almost complete darkness. A jingling of keys and retreating footsteps followed the clear sound of a lock closing. There was a pause in the footsteps and they could just make out the man’s deep voice through the thick door,

 

            “Have fun in there boys, she’s a biter.” Cackling followed and the footsteps resumed as the bald man made his way up the stairs, exit punctuated by the slamming of the door at the top of the stairs.

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me!! So the case is just getting started and I've already started working on the next chapter so don't worry, Shawn has a lot more ahead of him. ;)


	6. The Psychic and the Teenager: A Fight to the Death (A Fight of Sass)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex sheds some light on the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mention (really just the topic not graphic at all) of child prostitution.

            For a moment Shawn just stood there, shocked, blinking in the darkness of the small room. The only light came from the crack under the door, the only noise that of the bed sheets shifting over the scratchy surface of the mattress. The sudden sound of Alex scoffing made him flinch,

 

            “Some fucking rescue.” Shawn blanched looking over to Gus before he remembered the lack of visibility. The girl certainly had spunk, he’d give her that, he could understand why she’d been gagged. A small smirk played across his lips, she reminded him of himself.

 

            “It’s not like you were doing to well on your own,” Shawn pointed out as he blinked, trying to force his eyes into adjusting quicker. Alex sounded unimpressed with his response, pushing herself up from her sitting position so that she stood by the bed. Shawn could just make out the outline of her cheekbones in the dark.

 

            “Oh excuse me, I was unaware that all other thirteen year olds knew how to escape a hostage situation.” Sarcasm dripped from her voice and he could tell, even in the near darkness, that Gus’s eyebrows were practically jumping off his face in surprise. Huffing out a laugh Shawn sat down on the closest bunk, leaning against the wall even though it forced his neck to bend at an uncomfortable angle. After a moment of quiet Alex lowered herself back onto her cot, slumping forward a bit as she did. Gus remained stubbornly standing, even turning and yanking on the door knob a few times, even going so far as to prod at the key hole. They watched in silence for a minute before Shawn sighed, the soft sound filling the room quickly and making Gus pause.

 

            “You might as well sit so we can brainstorm, you’re not doing any good fussing about like a mother hen.” Gus glanced at him reproachfully and then proceeded to shove Shawn off the small bed causing him to hit his arm against the edge. “Ow!” Shawn rubbed at the smarting skin and pouted dramatically, though the effect was somewhat lost in the dim lighting. Alex made an apathetic noise, something halfway between and scoff and a snort,

 

            “You two are idiots,” the effect of her voice suggested an invisible eye roll, “did you think to try your cellphones?” Next to him Gus opened and closed his mouth, wanting to say something in response but unable to as nether of them had thought of the rather simple answer. Both of them dug for their phones in tandem, the two screens lighting up the darkness in harsh white light.

 

            “Damn, no signal.” Grumbling, Gus shut off his phone, bumping Shawn with his shoulder as he stuffed the device back in his pocket. Laughing Shawn poked at Gus’s ribs teasingly,

 

            “That’s what you get for using Spirit.” The bright screen light lit up Gus’s face, making the irritated look he shot Shawn’s way all the more visible,

 

            “It’s Sprint Shawn.” Shrugging, Shawn turned back to his own phone, a small smile dancing across his lips when he saw he had one bar. It wasn’t much but it would have to do.

 

            “I’ve heard it both ways.” Alex chuckled at that and Shawn’s smile widened a bit even as Gus slumped back. Scrolling through his recent calls he hit Jules’s name and brought the phone up to his ear quickly.

 

            After three rings she picked up, sounding slightly harried, but pleasant nonetheless.

 

            “Shawn, what is it?” It was crackly, her words a bit slowed by the bad reception but he could hear her,

 

            “Hey Jules,” he tried to sound as joyful as possible, “just calling because well, me and Gus are in a teeny tiny pickle and could use some of the mighty force that is the SBPD.” Gus hit his arm in an attempt to get him to hurry, Alex seemed just as impatient sheets crinkling as she leaned forward.

 

            “What? Shawn I can barely hear you, you need help?” Worry was starting to creep into her tone and Shawn swallowed, face growing serious. Jokes aside they really did need help and this was their best shot at getting it.

 

            “Yeah, look Jules we’re in the basement at a store called Phil’s Drive and Delivery. It has to do with the kidnapping case were working on,” his eyes shifted over to Alex, “we have one of the kids here with us.” There was a pause, static coming through the other line and for a moment he thought she hadn’t heard him and his stomach sank, brain desperately trying to come up with alternative ways to escape the small room. 

 

            “Got it Shawn, hang in there, we’re on our way.” Completely serious now, Jules sounded determined and he could picture her already waving Lassie over, setting up the task force to come and get them. The line disconnected a moment later and Shawn pulled the phone from his ear. Instead of putting it back in his pocket he turned on the built in flashlight and angled it so that it pointed towards the ceiling, illuminating the room enough that he didn’t have to squint to see.

 

            “They’re on their way, should be here soon.” Shawn settled back against the cold cement of the wall. It was uncomfortable, his muscles protesting the cramped position. Grunting, he shifted, throwing his legs across Gus’s lap causing his friend to start, smacking at the legs intruding on his space. Shawn retreated to his side of the bed and glanced over at Alex. The preteen sat surprisingly still, head tilted slightly as she took in the two of them. She was smart, her parents hadn’t been lying about that, and Shawn had no doubt that she would help to break the case wide open. Of course that meant he had to follow the leads she would offer first. He cleared his throat. “So Alex, while we’re waiting, care to tell us how you ended up in this predicament?”

 

            “Won’t I just have to repeat it to the police when they get here? Seems like a waste of time.” It wasn’t mean, just stating a fact. Shawn pursed his lips in acknowledgement,

 

            “Yeah, but we have to pass the time somehow, and I don’t think you’d be very interested in the story of us eating pancakes.” He looked at her expectantly ignoring the exasperated sound Gus made as he inched his leg back towards him. Alex studied him, twirling a lock of matted hair around her finger as she considered his statement.

 

            “Alright.” She held his eyes for a moment, “But no interrupting.” Shawn held his hands up in a placating gesture. Alex nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear with a flick of her wrist. “Not much to tell really. They grabbed me at the bus station, tried to convince me that my mom had sent them,” a vindictive smile twisted across her face. “Idiots actually thought that would work.” She chuckled to herself as if she couldn’t believe anyone would be that stupid.

 

            “After they realized that I wasn’t buying it, they pulled a gun on me, but not before I managed to stick the card they gave me under the seat.” Shawn elbowed Gus in the ribs excitedly causing his partner to huff out his name in annoyance. Alex eyed them a moment before continuing. “They brought me back here. I fought them, but one of them sucker punched me, can’t remember who, and they dragged me down here, shoved me in this hole with one or two others.” Shawn perked up at this, figuring the others must have been some of the missing kids. He was about to ask but the look she sent his way made him snap his mouth shut. “The kids were younger than me, about nine I think, and they were really scared.” Her voice grew softer and her eyes lightened, “I tried to comfort them best I could, but there was only so much I could do.’’ Suddenly her expression became pinched and Shawn could see where her hands fisted the bed posture growing rigid. “When they took them away I tried to stop them, all that did was make them angry.

 

            “Not long after they came back for me, made me change my clothes,” the tenseness in her voice made him think there was something she was leaving out but he didn’t want to interrupt her, “but I kept back talking, even managed to scratch one of their eyes and give’em a few bruises.” The glint in her eyes caught the light and Shawn looked over at Gus whose brow was furrowed, a scowl turning down the corner of his lips. “After that they tied me up and threw me back in here, Larry comes to check on me every once and a while, give me water or take me to the bathroom, but nothing else has happened. That is until you two got here.” She grinned ruefully but Shawn just frowned.

 

            “Larry? You know his name?” Gus spoke up from beside him and Shawn studied Alex as he waited for her response. He had been thinking the same thing, would have asked if Gus hadn’t beaten him to it. Alex paused for a moment before chuckling,

 

            “No uh it’s just what I call him. You know cause he’s like Larry the Lobster,” she patted her biceps raising her eyebrows. Then she cocked her head slightly, chewing on her lip for a moment in thought, “well if Larry the Lobster was involved with child prostitution.” Shawn’s breath caught in his throat and a chill started to spread down his back, raising the hairs on his arms. The darkness from earlier started to seep back into his bones, dread settling deep in the pit of his stomach. Beside him he felt Gus stiffen, he could tell even without looking that his friend’s eyes were wide with surprise. 

 

            “What?” Gus’s voice was brusque, Shawn could barely hear him over the blood rushing through his ears, his chest started to constrict uncomfortably. Alex raised her eyebrows, seemingly unaware of their distress, tilting her head down and in disbelief,

 

            “You’ve never heard of SpongeBob?” The laugh that sputtered from Shawn’s lips sounded more like a cry from a wounded animal than it did a sound of amusement and, out of the corner of his eye, Shawn caught Gus sending him a worried look. He knew he sounded maniacal but he couldn’t bring himself to stop the sounds pouring out of him. They continued, the only thing to be heard in the stony silence of the room the other occupants seeming to be too shocked to know how to deal with him. Finally he managed to pull himself together enough to gasp out,

 

            “That’s funny, you’re funny.” Alex just frowned, hands nervously fidgeting on her lap. A chuckled escaped him, desperate and he hoped that Gus couldn’t tell just how bad it was.

 

            “I think what Shawn here is trying to say,” Gus grabbed his shoulder and Shawn wasn’t sure if it was to make Gus’s point or to attempt to calm him, “is we had no idea about the child prostitution.”

 

            Alex’s eyebrows shot up her face and she straightened in shock,

 

            “What, but I thought you guys were investigating the case or something?” Gus startled a little but Shawn had recovered enough to answer, shoving the panic crawling up his throat to the side, he could deal with it later.

 

            “We just started today, finding you has been the first thing we’ve done so far.” Astonishment passed over her face and she opened and closed her mouth for a few seconds before clearing her throat, eyes darting from his face to Gus’s.

 

            “Yeah um well right that’s what-” the sound of a door slamming open made them all jump. Through the door the sound of several people rushing down the stairs could be heard, as well as a few different people, one of whom was definitely Lassie, shouting out “SBPD.” There was a bang on the door and Shawn sprang into action, the momentary surprise leaving him first,

 

            “We’re in here!” There heard a few muffled words being exchanged before Juliet’s unmistakable voice filtered through the door.

 

            “Alright Shawn stand back we’re going to break down the door.” He nodded before remembering that she couldn’t see him.

 

            “Go ahead.” Reaching for his phone he clicked off the flashlight and stuffed it back into his pocket. There was a thump and then, with the thundering sound of breaking wood the door flew open. Shawn brought his forearm up to his eyes, shielding them to protect himself from the light and any stray pieces of wood. He felt a warm hand on his arm, slowly lowering it and looked up to meet Jules’s eyes. Behind her he saw Alex being escorted out of the room, Lassiter calling for medical and looking her over with his least threatening stare-which was still pretty threatening. Gus was watching him from the doorway biting his lip but Shawn just waved his hand at him and his best friend waited a beat before reluctantly moving away.

 

            “Shawn, you okay? You’re acting a bit weird.” It was getting harder and harder for him to ignore the restless anxiety that was churning in his gut, but Shawn tried to give her a reassuring smile. Judging by her expression he didn’t completely succeed, his attempt looked more like a pained gesture than genuine emotion. Still, when he told her he was fine, giving her a quick chaste kiss on the lips, she let him go without protest, following him out of the room and going to reconvene with Lassiter. Shawn made his way over to where Gus was standing and clapped him on the shoulder giving him his cheesiest grin, one more convincing than what he had managed with Jules.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

            Shawn paced nervously, feeling Gus’s eyes on him, as he listened to Alex give her statement to Jules and Lassie, a more detailed version of what she had told Shawn earlier. The chief, Gus, and himself were watching from the one side of the one-way mirror as Lassie and Jules interviewed Alex on the other.

 

            “Mr. Spencer, if you cannot keep still I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The chief fixed him with a hard stare, tilting her head slightly and folding her arms. He smiled, raising his hands a bit before turning back to watch, foot tapping erratically on the ground.

 

            Alex was looking better now that she had had a chance to take a shower and change. Her parents had met her at the hospital the day before, all hugs and tears, grateful to have their daughter back in one piece. The doctors had cleared her pretty quickly, bandaging her wrists and ankles, telling her to take it easy and get lots of sleep, before sending her home. Now she’d had a chance to rest and eat a proper meal and it showed. The bags under her eyes were still visible, though less stark, and she kept picking at the gauze around her wrists, but she looked about as good as one could expect. There was no doubt in Shawn’s mind that she would need counseling of some sort, no matter how strong she was she wouldn’t come out completely unscathed, but for now she was holding up pretty well.

 

            Her parents hadn’t wanted her to do the interview so soon, saying she needed to get more sleep before she would be up to such a task, but she had protested until finally they had cracked, bringing her in. When she had seen Shawn she had given him a smirk and a little wave, before hugging her parents and following Lassiter down to the interrogation room.

 

            Shawn was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he didn’t notice that Winnie had entered the interrogation room until his voice filtered through the speaker.

 

            “Hello Alex,” his voice dripped with fake kindness, “I want to talk to you about what you went through-” Alex leaned back giving him a once over,

 

            “I don’t see why, I’m just about done explaining it to these detectives,” she spread out her hands and gestured to the two people sitting across from her, “if you wanna know why don’t you just go requisition recordings or something.” Alex’s easy reply made Shawn balk, a voice inside his head whispering at him cruelly,

 

            _You’re hopeless, even a kid can stand up to him you coward._

 

            Pinching the skin of his arm he tried to center his focus, pay closer attention to what was transpiring in front of him. Winnie looked somewhat taken aback by Alex’s blunt comment, blinking dumbly for a moment before recovering and smiling sweetly. Shawn could see the thinly veiled anger resting behind the expression in the tense set of his jaw and rigid shoulders.

 

            “My dear, I think you misunderstand me. I’m here to help you work through any emotions you might be experiencing, as well as help you recall any memories that you may have…forgotten.” He leaned forward, covering her hand with his own in a gesture intended to convey understanding. Alex jerked her fingers out from underneath his, scraping her chair across the floor as she pushed away from him. She looked at Jules and Lassie before glancing back up at the doctor,

 

            “Get this creepy ass man and his…” she eyed the hand that had just touched her own warily, “pedo hands away from me.” Shawn went ramrod straight, all his muscles tensing, nails digging into the palms of his hands. The words triggered something deep within him and he swallowed against the bile forcing it’s way up his throat. Alex seeing something that everyone else had failed to pick up on, even his dad the “super detective,” made him want to both break down and sing at the same time. Logically he knew that Alex had just said what she did as a way to simultaneously insult Winnie, and stop him from questioning her. She didn’t really know the truth. He knew that. He did.

 

            In the interrogation room Winnie spluttered and took a step backward, clearly not knowing what to say. Lassiter sighed before standing and leading Winnie out of the room, sneering at Winnie before all but shoving him out the door. Shawn caught the doctor’s eye and he smiled darkly, giving a little wave before turning and walking off towards the main body of the station. Shawn bit his lip to the whimper of fear in his throat.

 

            “If your gonna try to send people in here to weasel more information out of me at least send someone I like. How about the two guys who tried to rescue me yesterday? Shawn and Gus.” She looked directly at the mirror then, not quite catching any of their eyes, but the effect was felt nonetheless. Shawn was somewhat startled she knew their names, but he figured she had probably asked one of the officers who had watched over her when she was waiting for her parents at the hospital.

 

            Lassie rolled his neck and, after Jules nodded her head at him encouragingly, turned around to face the mirror, glaring intensely for a moment before shouting, much louder than necessary,

 

            “Spencer! Get your sorry psychic ass in here.” Jules shot her partner a meaningful look but Lassiter just shrugged. Shawn glanced over to the chief, who nodded at him, before grabbing Gus’s arm and tugging him over to the door of the interrogation room. He took a deep breath trying to force himself to relax, grabbing the door handle and using it to ground himself.

 

            Alex snorted, leaning back in her chair and raising her eyebrows.

 

            “No way that guy is psychic.” Shawn pushed open the door just in time to see the smirk that spread over Lassie’s face as he turned to Juliet,

 

            “I think I’m starting to like this girl.” Jules just rolled her eyes, unimpressed, before turning back to face Alex. Shawn closed the door behind him and feigned hurt, putting his hand over his heart and walking further into the room.

 

            “That stings Lassie, it really does. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same.” Lassiter just huffed, refusing to meet his eyes. Shawn beamed and patted him on the shoulder causing the older man to start, lurching away and throwing his arm up in order to force Shawn to step back. Alex ran a hand through her hair, which was looking much better, all the knots from yesterday gone.

 

            “Look,” Alex brought the attention back to herself with an almost effortless authority, Shawn couldn’t even begin to imagine where she would be in ten years, “I can’t really tell you anything else. I’ll work with a sketch artist if you want, but I don’t have any more information. I only overheard enough to know what they were planning to do, they weren’t dumb enough to say anything that would give me locations or names.” Jules quirked half her mouth up in a sympathetic smile and Shawn could tell they were about to wrap it up. The nausea from earlier still lingered but he fought it, if he didn’t figure something out, until they were able to ID one of the captures, they would have nothing new to go on. The case would drag out and, with all those kids still missing, and the child prostitution ring still operating, they couldn’t afford a lull.

 

            Shawn scrambled, trying to remember anything, pick out any detail that he could use to formulate a new angle. For a moment his mind reeled, nothing coming to him, and he drummed his fingers against his thigh. His eyes flicked to Jules, who was standing and thanking Alex for her time, before skimming over to land on the brazen preteen herself. Gus poked him, obviously trying to prod him into one of his “outbursts.”

 

            “Wait!” Jules paused midway through pushing her chair in and Alex snapped her head towards him to meet his eyes. He leaned forward, hands resting on the edge of the cool metal table, “Were you all wearing the same clothes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnddddd that took a lot longer then expected to get out...oops. Alright well anyway thanks for sticking with the story, leaving kudos and comments!!  
> (also thanks to teethonmydresss because honestly I needed a push to finish writing this chapter)


	7. Winnie the Boo!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The case starts to pick up and Shawn has another discussion with Winnie.

             It had taken a surprisingly short amount of time for Shawn to narrow down the stores where the clothes could have been purchased to just one location. He had started with a list of all the local clothing stores, or at least all the ones the directory provided and, since the clothes Alex had described were all made of scratchy brown fabric that had seen better days, had immediately crossed off popular chain stores and high-end shops. The quality of the fabric, along with the fact that the clothes were most likely dirt cheap, lead Shawn to believe they were most likely from a discount shop. He had briefly considered thrift stores or Salvation Armies, until Gus had reminded him that there was no way someone would find so many matching pieces at a second hand store. That, along with some online shopping, had lead him to conclusion that the clothes must have been bought from one of the (admittedly few) stores in Santa Barbra that sold clothes that had been rejected from larger retail stores because of some small defect. The clothes were usually uncomfortable, bland, and the cheapest around. There were only three such stores in the directory, and only one of them was even remotely close to Phil’s Drive and Delivery. So, after stopping for some frozen yogurt, Shawn had dragged Gus to the station and, through the use of psychic visions, convinced the chief to send Lassiter and Jules with them to the store.

            The name of the shop in question was, judging by the old and faded letters painted on the window, Discount Clothes--not the catchiest name, but at least it was accurate.

            Getting out of the Blueberry, Shawn smiled, this was the best he had felt in a while. He had a lead on the case, he had rescued--or at least helped rescue-- Alex, and the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach had all but disappeared. Waving at Lassie, who was just climbing out of his own car, he sauntered up to the door of the store, pushing it open and confidently walking up to the cashier, Gus right on his heels.

            “Hello there fine sir. I’m Shawn and this is my--” The sound of the door opening again and Lassiter’s irritated voice from across the room cut him off.

            “Lassiter, SBPD, I’m going to need you to answer some questions for me sir.” The man behind the register just raised his eyebrows, and nodded. He was old, probably in his sixties, and he had a scruffy beard that had almost as many white splotches as his hair. His shoulders were slumped slightly forward in a way that spoke of years of bad posture, and the shirt he wore looked as though it could have been pulled off one of the store’s racks.

            “What’a ya wanna know?” His voice was tired and Shawn could almost touch his apathy it hung so heavily in the air.

            “Have you ever seen Larry the Lobster in here?” Gus shot him an unimpressed look but Shawn ignored him in favor of focusing all his attention on the cashier, who he was beginning to suspect was the owner, given his age and the run down nature of the shop.

            “What, like someone who was sun burned?” Shawn frowned, the man’s answer lacked both confusion and amusement. The guy must’ve been really worn out.

            “Ignore my idiotic colleague.” Lassie shoved him a bit, knocking him off balance and sending him stumbling into Gus, who pushed him off with an indigent huff. “Do you recognize this man?” He pointed to a sketch Jules was holding up, the one Alex had helped create. Larry, as Shawn had taken to calling him, was the only one she was able to describe well enough to get a composite sketch of. They were all hoping that he was the one who had purchased the clothes, though in reality it could have been any of them.

            “Yeah, I know ’im. He’s been in here a few times, always buying clothes in bulk, children’s clothes. Name is Luke something. Came in here not too long ago, paid with a credit card. Should still have the records if you wanna see’em.” Lassiter nodded and the man tilted his head in acknowledgement, turning, and slowly making his way towards a doorway to his left that Shawn assumed led to the records room. Shawn waited till the man was out of earshot before piping up.

            “Was it just me or was that guy--”

            “On the brink of death?” Gus finished, nodding emphatically. “Yes, he was.” Lassiter scoffed,

            “You two are ridiculous, just because someone is older than you doesn’t mean they’re about to die.” Shawn just rolled his eyes, turning so that he was facing the senior detective,

            “Oh Lassie, don’t get all hot and bothered. Just because you have a few grey hairs, doesn’t mean you’re old.” He reached out and patted the detective’s arm before gesturing to Gus, “and anyway, me and Gus here will make sure they put you in a very nice mental institution when you finally break and shoot an innocent civilian.” Lassiter’s eyes blazed and he took a menacing step towards the psychic before smirking suddenly and leaning back. Over his shoulder Shawn could see Juliet frowning and shaking her head, eyes flicking to Lassie and then back to him.

            “I don’t know Spencer, I wouldn’t get too cocky. After all, I’m not the one who has to see that shrink every week or else lose my job.” Shawn opened his mouth to respond but it was if someone had wrapped a hand around his throat. He could hear Winnie’s cruel laugh in his ear, the bruises on his arm aching as though Winnie’s hand was still there, pressing mercilessly on his skin, he tugged the hem of his shirt down a bit further over his wrists.

            “Carlton!” Jules hit her partner on the arm, shooting Shawn a sympathetic look. His stomach lurched, she had been the one to tell him, she had to be. The chief wouldn’t have mentioned it unless strictly necessary and even then, she wasn’t the type to go around broadcasting the mental state of her employees to the entire precinct. Gus wouldn’t have told him, and he hadn’t had the opportunity to, that left only one option. Jules. She hadn’t told Lassiter to hurt him, he knew that, she had probably just been worried about him and wanted to talk to someone about it. Still, it stung. Out of the corning of his eye he could see the rather regretful look Lassie was sending him but he forced himself to ignore it. Instead he focused on the cashier, who had just reappeared with a paper in his hand.

            He took his time making his way back to the counter, not seeming to mind the tense silence that greeted him. He just set the paper down and pushed it towards them. Lassiter quickly snatched it up and Shawn peered over his shoulder to get a look at the information. The man’s name was Luke Carden and he had bought several dresses, shirts and shorts all from the same company and all in varying sizes. Shawn leaned back, grinning, though it felt a little forced, and shot Gus a triumphant look. He jerked his head towards the street and Gus nodded. They both turned and started to make their way out of the store, a few steps ahead of the detectives. Jules was thanking the man for his time and Lassie was sending them dirty looks. Shawn waved at Jules blowing her a kiss and feeling his heart swell a bit when the edge of her mouth quirked up in a smile.

            Once they were out of the store and back in the car Gus spoke up, his face serious and eyes a bit softer than usual.

            “You know he doesn’t mean it, right Shawn? I mean, he might think he does, but really he doesn’t.” Glancing over at him, Gus held his eyes and Shawn forced out a choked laugh because he’d be damned if he let something Lassie said hurt him.

            “Are you serious right now? This is Lassie were talking about, I don’t think I could take him seriously if I tried. I mean have you seen his hair?” Gus nodded, but the tight pressed set of his mouth told him that he wasn’t buying it. He didn’t press the subject however, instead turning the car on and starting to maneuver them out of the tight parking spot.

            “Where to?” Gus asked, turning to face him, all signs of worry and suspicion gone from his face. Shawn pointed out the window to where Lassiter was getting into his car.

            “Just follow them, we don’t know anything about Luke except his name. Besides, I could use one of those smoothies from that place right by the station.” Gus nodded, passing Lassiter as he drove in the direction of the station. Shawn turned his head, looking out the window and swallowed. He tried to brush off Lassiter’s comment but for some reason it lingered, like a bad aftertaste, upsetting and hard to get rid of.

_“I know all your buttons Shawny boy, there’s really nothing you can do to stop me.”_

            He shivered, reaching over to turn on the radio and drown out Winnie’s words in his head.

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            “All I’m saying is that if you really want to stop getting recognized as Bud, you should stop telling people you were on the Cosby show.” Gus glared at him and Shawn raised his eyebrow, taking another sip of his drink smugly. They were making their way towards where Lassie and Jules were standing by a computer, no doubt analyzing Luke’s file.

            “You mean _you_ should stop telling people.” Gus shot back angrily, pulling the straw out of Shawn’s mouth, ignoring the resulting indignant yelp. “And anyway if you keep saying that I’ll start talking about that night on our second trip to Mexico.” Shawn stopped in his tracks and gasped, taking in the challenging set of his best friend’s jaw.

            “You wouldn’t.” Gus squared his shoulders a bit and started walking again, glancing back at Shawn over his shoulder.

            “Try me.” Turning back, Gus walked briskly over to the detectives, not once checking to see if Shawn was following. Scoffing, Shawn shook his head and stuck the straw back into his mouth, taking a long sip of the tropical smoothie before walking again.

            A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder, squeezing harder than necessary. Hot breath tickled the back of his neck and Shawn swallowed, goose bumps rising on his arms as he felt the point of an elbow being pressed into his back.

            “Shawn, would you be so kind as to follow me into my office for a moment?” It’s phrased as a question, but he knew it’s more like a command. Still he strained against the hold on his shoulder and succeeded in tearing himself away from the doctor.

            “Thanks for the offer Winnie, but there’s a meeting happening just over there,” he gestured with his cup towards where his friends were standing, “so I’ll take a rain check.” The chuckle that Winnie gave in response was enough to make his stomach turn. Then, with such sincerity in his eyes that for a moment Shawn was speechless, frowned.

            “Oh, just as I feared. You’re deflecting due to trauma caused by the kidnapping. It’s bringing back bad memories from your last case, making you push others away.” He paused momentarily. “I would hate to tell the chief you require more sessions, but I will if necessary.” The threat hung heavy in the air and Shawn gripped his smoothie so hard that he was afraid the cup might break. For a moment he considered rebelling, calling Winnie’s bluff and walking away. But then he remembered Gus’s face when he told him he wouldn’t be going to the therapy, imagined what Jules would think of him, what his dad would say, what a disappointment he’d be, a pariah at the department. He cleared his throat.

            “Only for a minute.” Winnie’s smile was a slimy thing and Shawn had to fight every instinct he had in order to stay put. The doctor nodded, though they both knew it was more to placate Shawn than in actual agreement, after all, he held all the power.

                        Glancing back over his shoulder one more time, Shawn saw Gus engaged in a discussion with Jules. Lassie looked on with a slightly irritated expression. _They didn’t even notice he was gone._ Shawn blinked, it was like a punch to a gut. No, like someone had repeatedly slammed a rock into him. It hurt. He knew that he could be annoying, knew that his rambunctious nature tended to get him into trouble, but he had thought… well he had thought that he was good enough at this that people would notice when he was gone. At the very least he had expected Gus to call after him when he realized that he wasn’t right behind him, like always.

            He didn’t realize they’d reached Winnie’s office until the door clicked shut behind him. It was a quiet noise, almost indiscernible from the background sounds of the department, but somehow it was so loud his ears rung with its finality. Shawn snapped his eyes up to meet Winnie’s glare. The psychologist was standing less than a foot away from him, hands balled into fists at his sides. Swallowing, Shawn took a step back, the hard word of the door brushing menacingly against his forearms.

            “Shawn, I hear you’re working on the latest case, that you were involved in the rescuing of that girl.” Shawn’s eyes flicked down to where Winnie’s knuckles were turning white in his tightly clenched fists and swallowed, nodding warily. Winnie’s hands opened abruptly, and the doctor smiled, moving back a few steps and gesturing for Shawn to sit. When Shawn remained standing, pressing back a bit more into the door behind him Winnie’s smile faltered, though only for a moment. “What are you afraid of Shawn?”

_You_ , Shawn stilled and stared at the man across from him, seemingly contemplative, leaning back on his desk,

            “What, are you trying to be my therapist all of a sudden?” It comes out more bitter than humorous and Shawn winced, the corner of Winnie’s mouth ticked up, lips parting just enough for Shawn to catch a glimpse of his canines. He pushed off his desk taking slow, measured steps towards his patient.

            “I do enjoy playing this game with you, Shawn. This game of cat and mouse, but it becomes rather tedious after a while. A one trick pony is only as interesting as its one trick.” Shawn frowned, his hair starting to stand on end the closer Winnie got to him. He wished his body would stop being so stubborn and let him phase through the door already. When he tried to speak his voice was barely louder than a whisper,

            “It’s been more than a minute, my friends will be missing me.” Winnie scoffed, eyes gleaming.

            “Oh that’s right, your friends. Is that what you're afraid of, them forgetting you exist, them not needing you?” His hand landed on Shawn’s wrist, just above where the bruises hid beneath his shirt, heavy with the weight of his possession. “It’s kind of pathetic actually, to see you traipsing around for them, putting on a show. A circus animal, craving attention but only knowing one way to get it.” He leaned in closer so his eyes were mere inches away from Shawn’s. “How long do you think it’ll take them before they get tired of your one trick?” As if to punctuate the sentence he pressed a chaste kiss to Shawn’s lips. Shawn stood still, mind reeling, flesh crawling, wanting nothing more than to run but being unable to more even his finger tips. Winnie pulled back after a few seconds. “You better run along now, perform while you still can.” Reaching around Shawn he turned the handle and pushed the door open, causing Shawn to stumble out of his office. The last thing he saw before the door closed was the sadistic twist of Winnie’s lips that no one in their right mind would call a smile.

            For a moment all he could do was stare at the door in shock, his brain hadn’t quite caught up yet so he was left blinking at the wall.

            “Shawn!” Gus’s voice startled him and he whipped around to see his best friend gesturing to him frantically. Shawn jogged towards him, pushing Winnie and his games to the back of his mind. Stopping just short of hitting the bald man he beamed, forcing his voice to take on a practiced casual tone.

            “What’s up, man?” Gus studied him for a moment, eyes searching his own before hesitantly answering,

            “Lassie and Jules found where Luke lives--are you alright? You seem a bit--” Shawn cut him off before he could finish his question, already walking to where the two detectives stood.

            “Why didn’t you come get me sooner?” Raising his eyebrows, Gus rushed to catch up with him.

            “Are you kidding me, Shawn? I thought you were behind me and then when I turned around you were gone!” The slightest bit of annoyance tinged the edges of his words and Shawn had to work a bit harder to keep the smile on his face, “Then I find you standing outside Dr. Winnie’s door, which--why were you doing that?” By the end of his sentence concern was clear in Gus’s crinkled brow and weighted words but Shawn ignored it. Instead, he bounded up behind the detective’s and lay a hand on both of their shoulders. They jumped in almost perfect unison and Shawn didn’t bother stifling his chuckle.

            “So, what’a we got here?” Lassiter rolled his eyes and jerked Shawn’s hand off his back, pointing at the computer screen, a grouchy look marring his features.

            “That’s his address, 416 Worster Avenue.” The detective darted away from him as Shawn attempted to pat him on the back again, his hand sailing through the air to land on nothing. Grinning, Shawn started to march towards to door to the station.

            “Last one there is Lassie’s hair in three years!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sososososososososo sorry about this extremely late chapter. Between the start of the new school year, college planning and me and my beta having conflicting schedules this chapter has taken me a very long time to write, and it's not even that long. Ugh. I will try my very hardest to get a new chapter out soon. Sorry for that late update and thank you for your continued support and patience. <3


	8. Here Comes the Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The investigation comes to a close, some secrets are revealed.

            The car ride went quickly due to Shawn’s incessant pestering of Gus to drive faster and Lassie’s slight breaking of the speed limit. Shawn sprang out of the car as Gus was still parking to an indignant squawk on the part of his best friend.

 

            416, it seemed, was a relatively average apartment complex, the outside of which looked well kept. There was no doorman in the lobby, but it still looked neat, well kept. As soon as Gus got out of the car, Shawn was off, bounding down the driveway and rubbing at his wrists. They had started aching again in the car and the heat of the day was starting to get to him. All he wanted to do was take off the long sleeved flannel and the heat, combined with the irritation of his wrists, was making him jittery. He wanted to lie down, he wanted to run and never stop, he wanted to be laughing in the blueberry, to be eating dinner with Jules. Alex’s face flashed across his mind and he rolled his shoulders back, trying to ignore the prickling heat that made it’s way across his skin.

 

            There was a tall, bird-like looking woman standing right outside the glass doors. Here mouth was a little pinched, but her eyes looked kind enough. Her hands, which were placed staunchly on her hips, looked tough and keys dangled from her left pointer finger. She was the landlord then, Juliet must have called her on the way over. Sticking out his hand he beamed at her, she raised her eyebrow incredulously as her eyes flicked to him and his three compatriots.

 

            “You’s the ones who called?” Her voice was surprisingly melodic, deep but soothing.

 

            “Yes that would be me,” Jules had caught up by then, grabbing Shawn’s shoulder and stepping slightly in front of him, “Ms. Valdez?” She nodded and held out her hand, dropping the keys into Juliet’s outstretched palm.

 

            “Second floor, take a left when you get off the elevator. He hasn’t been back here in a few days. Owes me the rent that bastard, I hope you catch him.” She turned around then, opening the door with a second pair of keys she pulled from the folds of her dress. The door let out a painful howl as she pushed it open and Shawn saw Lassie wrinkle his nose in disdain. Ms. Valdez leaned against the door as she held it open, regarding them all as they passed in front of her. She looked like a woman who had seen her fare share of things in her life, who was surprised by very little,

 

            “My office is on the ground floor, just over there, when you’re done return the keys. If I don’t get them I will press charges.” Lassiter half turned toward her, about eye level with her if not a bit shorter.

 

            “You realize we’re the police right?” She just shrugged and gestured vaguely in the direction of the elevator before pushing off the door and disappearing down a hallway to their right.

 

            The four of them made their way to the elevator quickly, adjusting so that they weren’t all mashed together during the short ride to the Carden’s apartment. The apartment itself was small and cluttered. The room seemed to be a mess of paper, clothes, and loose ends. The desk was overflowing with documents and a few mugs of coffee. While walking towards the kitchen Shawn had to dodge a bunched up carpet, several damp jackets, and a pair of socks.

 

            “Jesus, this place is a sty.” Lassiter frowned, narrowly avoiding plummeting to the ground when he tripped over a pair of discarded sneakers. Juliet wrinkled her nose and Gus nodded reproachfully.

 

            “I thought we were the pigs.” Shawn mumbled pulling a chuckle from Gus and glare from Lassiter, “Oh come on Lassie, I know you like to roll around in the mud.”

 

            “You know, just because your dating O’Hara now, doesn’t I won’t shoot you.” Shawn rolled his eyes and pulled open one of the kitchen cabinets quickly scanning the contents, a near empty bag of sugar, some pretzels, fruity pebbles, and a pencil, before scoffing,

 

            “That might be good actually, I’ve seen you at the gun range recently. What’s wrong, can’t get it up anymore?” Juliet hid her mouth behind her hand while Lassiter fumed, pushing past Gus on his way to confront Shawn

 

            “Listen here you little-” Shawn’s phone went off and Lassiter paused, somewhat taken aback by staying alive blaring out of Shawn’s phone. “Really?” Shawn shrugged, pulling the phone out of his back pocket somewhat smugly,

 

            “Come on, don’t tell me you don’t get down with this song nightly. I bet it’s on your sexy time playlist.” Before the detective could respond Shawn unlocked the phone and slid it up to his ear. “Hello?”

 

            “Shawn.” Winnie’s voice purred on the other end of the phone and Shawn instantly stiffened. He turned slightly, trying to appear as though he was still examining the kitchen. Behind him he heard the detectives and Gus shuffling around and examining the rest of the apartment. “You’re still on the case I hear. Interesting. You know, I was thinking about starting sessions with our little Alex. She definitely needs a lot of treatment.” Shawn’s breathing quickened, fingers griping the phone so tight he was distantly afraid his hand would cramp. Still, he kept quiet, not knowing what response would save her and not wanting to alert his colleagues to the nature of his conversation.

 

            “That is, unless your willing to negotiate. Let’s meet again this evening and we can discuss further.” Shawn caught Gus shooting him an odd look and cleared his throat hoping to God Winnie would understand his answer,

 

            “I think you have the wrong number.” His voice was smaller, less confident than usual and he supposed he sounded brow beaten. An eerily laugh tinkered through the phone.

 

            “Yes, I suppose I do. See you later Shawn.” It took a moment for Shawn to gather himself, steady his breathing and loosen his grip on the phone. Winnie hung up but Shawn smiled, a little shakily, and responded.

 

            “No problem, have a nice day.” No one was paying attention to him when he turned. All three of his companions were dedicatedly combing the apartment. His eyes scanned the room until he found where Gus was rummaging through a stack of papers; he had really become a much better detective after a few years of breaking and entering.

 

            Turning back around he continued his sweep of the kitchen. Nothing much stood out; the rest of the counter top was covered in crumbs with a few dirty dishes in the sink. A coffee spill by the garbage can had been hastily covered with napkins but never actually cleaned. The coffee cup sported the logo for a café called The Coffee Crusaders with a small sword underneath the swirling script letters. A few of the napkins bore the same logo and Shawn frowned, he had never heard it. A quick look into the garbage can showed a similar mix of coffee cups and napkins, along with half finished meals. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure that no one was paying attention, he took his phone out of his pocket and quickly searched the store. It was a little over 20 miles away, near the edge of the city. He grinned and slipped his phone back into his pocket, pushing all thoughts of Winnie out of his mind and helping the others search the rest of the apartment.

 

            Lassie was grumbling unhappily by the time they left the apartment, cranky that the only thing they had turned up were admittedly vague papers outlining delivery dates and with obviously faked names. It was something but without other information it was practically useless. Jules was looking a little flustered herself, her posture a little stiff. Shawn squeezed her hand in passing as he made his way towards the blueberry. A smile flashed across her lips; it reached her eyes, but just barely.

 

            Shawn was practically bouncing with frantic energy by the time he and Gus were both buckled into the car. Shawn grabbed his phone from his pocket and pulled up directions to the café.

 

            “Turn left up ahead.” Gus shot him a look and opened his mouth to protest but Shawn gestured emphatically for the left hand turn and Gus sighed, signaling and complying with Shawn’s commands.

 

            “Where am I going Shawn?” Gus hadn’t been immune to the tiring tedium of a fruitless search and he sounded a bit exasperated.

 

            “Alright so get this,” Shawn wiggled around in his seat until he was more or less facing towards his best friend, “Luke apparently likes a café 20 miles across town.” Gus’s eyes shifted towards him and he raised one eyebrow. “You up for some scones?”

 

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            The store was cute in a trendy kind of way. Outside the store was painted lime green with huge glass windows that bore a stencil of the logo printed on the store’s awning. Inside, the floor was hard wood and the walls were brick. Pictures, mostly in black and white, contributed to the overall atmosphere, and the light green tables and wooden chairs blended in seamlessly with the café’s aesthetic. Mostly the store was populated with twenty something’s typing away on laptops with cups of what was probably ridiculously overpriced ridiculously fancy coffee, next to them. The location of the café wasn’t ideal, jammed at the edge of Santa Barbara right where businesses met warehouses met undeveloped land, but it seemed as though the patrons of the store would travel far to get their caffeine and free Wi-Fi fix.

 

            Behind the counter, the barista was busy cleaning one of the shinning chrome machines and didn’t turn until Shawn cleared his throat loudly.

 

            “Oh, hey there,” the woman was gorgeous, skin just a bit lighter than Gus’s, curly hair tied back in a bun, with a small nose ring that shone brightly when the light hit it. Shawn and Gus exchanged a look and Shawn had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the expression on his friend’s face.

 

            “What can I get you?” Before Gus could open his mouth and say something embarrassing Shawn butted in,

 

            “Were psychic detectives with the SBPD and we were wondering if you remembered a man named Luke coming in here a couple of times? He’s a big guy.” The women, Geniva her name tag read, thought for a moment, head tilted slightly to the side before responding,

 

            “Yeah, he comes here pretty often. Gets a muffin and a black coffee.” Shawn nodded, leaning onto the counter, closer to Geniva.

 

            “Alright I have two questions then. One, do you know where he goes after he comes in here?” She nods resting one elbow on the counter top as she points one finger towards the windows,

 

            “Usually goes that direction, towards that string of warehouses down there.” She looks back at the two of them, smirking slightly at Gus’s awe struck expression before turning her attention back to Shawn. “What’s your second question?”

 

            “Are your muffins good?” Geniva laughed, head thrown back, and Shawn felt Gus shift further towards her.

 

            “Best in the biz.” Shawn held up two fingers and she turned away from them, making her way over to where the pastries were on display. Gus shook his head slightly and blinked. Shawn turned away from the counter, hitting Gus’s arm to make him follow his lead.

 

            “Wherever Luke headed from here has to be a base of operation. We should look around a bit and then come back later tonight and stake out the place.” Gus nodded, not even bothering to mention calling in the detectives, seemed he was finally getting the hang of the whole ‘psychic detective’ shtick.

 

            “We’re gonna eat the muffins first though, right?” Shawn crinkled his brow and tilted his head back sucking his teeth,

 

            “Man, you know we’re going to eat at least two of those muffins each.” Gus smiled and gestured his head back towards where Geniva was putting two muffins on plates.

 

            “I’ll go get them, you find us a seat.” Shawn patted Gus’s arm and walked towards an empty table a good distance away from the clicking keys of the nearest customer with a bounce in his step. He rolled his eyes when he heard Gus’s voice filter back to him over the quiet noise of the coffee shop,

 

            “Girl you hear about Pluto? That’s messed up right?”

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

            “I’m just saying, if you’re gonna use cheesy pick up lines at least use better ones. I mean, if she hasn’t heard about Pluto by now she’s intentionally avoiding it.” They were headed in the direction Geniva had pointed them, a pair of muffins carried safety in the paper bag Gus held in his left hand. Gus pulled a face, turning toward Shawn slightly,

 

            “First of all it isn’t a pick up line, it’s a conversation starter. It shows the ladies that I care about science.” Shawn snorted, glancing at the surrounding warehouses as they walked further and further away from The Coffee Crusaders.

 

            “All it shows ‘the ladies’ is that you’re a nerd with no game.” Gus made an indignant sound, sending Shawn a sharp look but Shawn just frowned, coming to a stop. “That one.” He pointed to a large warehouse, just visible a few blocks away. Gus rolled his eyes but obediently followed as Shawn led him towards the building. It was made from graying cement, bits chipping off, dark windows made of the textured glass that meant they were nearly impossible to see through. Bars adorned all the windows of the two-story building. It looked unused, desolate and abandoned.

 

            “How do you know this is the place?” Shawn threw up his hands, walking backwards for a moment so he could shoot his friend a disappointed look.

 

            “Come on buddy, it’s far enough from the nearest store that not many people are going to be over here, but not too far that a person, or a car, would look suspicious near it. It’s abandoned, but not falling apart. It’s two stories, and it has those windows that are super hard to see out of. You know the ones that make it so that no matter how close you are to the glass you can’t see anything but vague shapes through them.” Shawn stopped; the building loomed over the two of them.

 

            “We can’t stake this out in the blueberry, if we’re close enough to the building to see anything they would definitely notice us.” Spinning on his heel Shawn squinted up at the building closest to them, “however if we went up there we’d have a great vantage point and there would be very little chance of them spotting us.” Gus followed his eye line and crossed his arms,

 

            “No Shawn, I will not climb up to the roof of some crumbly warehouse and spy on a bunch of criminals in the cold at night.” Shawn just smiled.

 

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            Two hours later saw them sitting up on said crumbly roof, in the cold, and the quickly encroaching dark. It was a little before six and it was Gus’s turn with the binoculars. Shawn was bored; he had gone from bothering Gus to throwing pieces of debris off the roof to, after a severe scolding from Gus, playing a game on his phone. He felt uneasy; his stomach refused to settle, rolling periodically and making him feel slightly nauseas. The unease he chalked up to the stake out, he was probably just getting a feeling because the case hit a little too close to home. It felt like he was forgetting something. His phone buzzed with an incoming message. His blood went cold.

 

            _Shawn, I hope you know what this disobedience has cost you_

 

            Winnie, Winnie, how could he have forgotten about Winnie. He wanted to scream, to claw at his skin, to race over to the police station. He had been so preoccupied with the case, with trying to ignore Winnie and his menacing malicious presence all together that he had completely forgotten about the other man’s instructions for them to meet at the police station that evening. He felt sick, there was nothing he could do. Winnie would never believe any excuse, and definitely wouldn’t like the truth, if he even believed it was the truth. Rushing down to the station wouldn’t solve anything; it would only make Gus worried, possibly angry. Shawn forced himself to relax, to breathe, to try not to alert Gus to his absolute terror. It took five minutes for the tightness in his shoulders to lesson. His heartbeat didn’t slow, his mind didn’t stop racing. All he could think about was what Winnie would do to him for disobeying. Force him into more sessions, get the Chief to suspend him, start meeting with Alex. Bile tried to work its way up his throat at the thought and he dug his nails into his thigh, trying to remind himself that Alex’s parents wouldn’t let that happen.

 

            _But you didn’t think your dad would let it happen either, did you?_

 

            Shawn chocked back a sob and Gus sent him an odd look, Shawn quickly snapped his eyes to his phone screen and started to tap rhythmically, as if playing a game. Gus snorted and returned to his diligent staring at nothing through the binoculars.

 

            His whole body ached, the stress of the case, of Winnie, of his mistakes, paralyzing him. He lay motionless on the roof as his thoughts spun out of control.

 

            Gus’s voice brought him back to himself some indefinite amount of time later. His head was pounding and when he jerked up the world spun.

 

            “Shawn, Shawn, someone’s going in.” His best friend’s voice was a harsh whisper and instantly Shawn moved, pushing Gus out of the way and stealing the binoculars from his hands. Sure enough a large van was parked in front of the warehouse. Three figures stood in the dark. One held the door of the building open, while the other two spoke in hushed tones. One of them seemed vaguely familiar but Shawn couldn’t quiet place the set of his shoulders. The tallest of the bunch, the one Shawn really should recognize damn it, made a gesture with his hand, making his way to the door of the building and disappearing inside. The other two waited a moment before loading into the van and peeling out. Shawn paused for a moment, mind racing, before pushing himself up to stand. He threw Gus his phone,

 

            “Call Lassie and Jules, we’re going in there.” Gus looked slightly terrified but he nodded anyway, fingers already unlocking Shawn’s phone. They were nearly silent as they made their way off of the roof, the only sounds besides their footsteps was Gus’s whispered conversation with what sounded like Juliet. By the time they made it across the street Shawn had managed to push all thoughts of Winnie from his mind and Gus had hung up the phone. Silently, Shawn mouthed a count of three before turning the knob and pushing the door to the warehouse open.

 

            For an old building the door made hardly any noise as it swung open on its hinges. The two of them entered the building unnoticed. Boxes were piled everywhere, a few lights flickered throughout the building bathing everything in a creepy yellow light. Shawn didn’t hear any footsteps and there didn’t appear to be anyone moving on the ground floor. He glanced at the stairs and, after a moment, motioned for Gus to follow him. They snuck around the boxes and reached the center of the floor, a cleared out space that held a few chairs with some stains surrounding them that looked very much like dried blood.

 

            “I bet this is where the deals go down. There are enough chairs for the girls to sit and the bloodstains mean that something shady is happening here. Those two guys from earlier probably went off to get something, either clients or more of the girls. They have to have a few locations around town. We’ve only found one. If we can catch those guys when they get back here, along with whoever else is upstairs, we’ll probably be able to destroy their whole system.” Shawn bent down to study the stains on the floor, trying to compartmentalize and treat the case as he would any other. His voice was barely a whisper, hardly loud enough for Gus to hear, let alone anyone upstairs.

 

            “Shawn!” Gus’s loud shout startled Shawn and he jumped, opening his mouth to tell him to keep it down until his eyes latched onto the figure coming down the stairs. All his hair stood on end and he felt himself grow pale. There on the stairs frozen like a deer in the headlights, was Winnie.

 

            All three of them were still for a moment, too shocked to move, before Winnie came rushing down the stairs towards them. Shawn took a step back and Gus tensed.

 

            “Shawn, Gus, thank God you guys are here, I was out getting coffee at this place by here and I heard these guys talking about bringing some new girls in.” His voice was imploring and his eyes wide. Shawn could barely breath, all of the terror he had stuffed down rushed back to him at once and it took all of his strength to stay put. “It sounded like the case you all are working so I followed them here and managed to sneak inside and…” He trailed off at the looks on their faces; it was obvious they didn’t believe him. He sighed, and suddenly it was as if he was a different person. His eyes hardened and glinted cruelly. Shawn’s breath hitched, this was the Winnie he knew, the predator.

 

            “Well, this is inconvenient.” His eyes turned to Shawn, cold and piercing, “I guess I know why you didn’t turn up to our session.” Gus glanced at him, brow furrowed, but quickly redirected his attention to Winnie. Smirking, Winnie drew a gun out of his waistband and pointed it at Gus. Shawn tensed and Gus clenched his fists.

 

            “I assume the police are already on their way here, so I’ll be on my way.” Winnie took a step away from them and Shawn felt as if he had been stabbed

 

            “What’s to stop us from telling the police it’s you when they get here. They’ll believe us, we have no reason to lie.” Distantly, Shawn felt pride bloom in his chest, Gus’s voice hadn’t even wavered as he stared Winnie down, but when Winnie’s eyes flicked to him Shawn felt nothing but fear.

 

            “Oh I have a feeling you won’t, not unless you want some very, shall we say sensitive, information leaked.” Winnie was staring right at him and Gus’s head whipped around as he too gaped at Shawn in confusion.

 

            “It’ll implicate you either way.” His voice shook as he spoke and Winnie just grinned at him, sensing his panic.

 

            “True, but you’re not going to turn me in. If you do, I’ll tell them everything, how weak you really are, how pitiful. You won’t be able to look any of them in the face ever again, let alone work with them. I’d be surprised if Lassiter didn’t kick you out himself for being such a weakling.” His grin grew manic, “you’ll have to quit the only job you’ve ever truly liked, and then what? Are you going to go around doing a little bit of everything again? What’s endearing in your twenties is sad in your thirties Shawn.” Winnie mocked him and Shawn felt stuck, it was like he was frozen. His senses felt dulled, the rest of the world fading into the background as Winnie’s words encircled him, poking through his armor and making him feel as though he had no hope. His mouth opened and closed uselessly and Winnie smirked.

 

            “Shawn!” Shawn’s head snapped towards his best friend’s instantly. Imploring and confused eyes met his own and Shawn swallowed, he wouldn’t let this happen, he wouldn’t let kids suffer at the price of his ego. It didn’t matter if this meant an end to his career, it couldn’t matter. If he did this, it would mean an end to his already damaged morality and his friendship with Gus, because there was no way his best friend would ever be able to let something like this go. He stared into Gus’s eyes and took a deep breath,

 

            “You don’t control me anymore Winnie, stay or leave, they’ll know it’s you either way.” Shawn watched as the smile slipped from Winnie’s face and was replaced by a look of honest confusion and disbelief, “I suggest you stay, Lassie always gets angrier when he has to chase the suspect down, and an angry Lassiter means a trigger happy Lassiter.” It wasn’t exactly true, but Shawn was hoping it would have the desired effect. A flash of fear crossed Winnie’s face, and then he smirked. Sirens sounded in the background and Shawn saw Gus relax a bit.

 

            “Alright then Shawn, I’ll give myself up, I have quite the story to tell the police when they get here. I’m sure Juliet will love to hear all about it.” Shawn felt a bolt of fear shot down his spine and his stomach clenched, bile rising in his throat. He set his jaw, trying to remain stoic but it was too late, Winnie started to chuckle as the police burst into the main room and immediately convened on him. He saw Lassiter and Jules share a look before Lassie started to drag a still laughing Winnie out of the room. Jules opened her mouth and started to walk towards where Shawn and Gus stood, but Shawn waved her away and she nodded, joining the rest of the officers in searching the warehouse for any other occupants.

 

            “Shawn,” Gus’s hand came to rest on his shoulder and Shawn flinched, jerking back a bit from the touch. Gus frowned, pulling back his hand and furrowing his brow. “Shawn-”

 

            “Gus! Buddy, I’m fine, just some therapy stuff that is kinda private. You know me, can’t have the whole department thinking they know everything about me now can I?” His voice cracked as he spoke and he tried to ignore Gus’s increasingly concerned face.

 

            “That was more than ‘just some therapy stuff’ Shawn, I know you, you never put yourself above the victims, ever. That’s what makes us almost get shot every other case, but just now… you hesitated for a moment. You actually considered it. So no, I don’t believe it was ‘just some therapy stuff’ no way.” Shawn let out a defeated laugh, clapping his hand on Gus’s shoulder,

 

            “Well your wrong there buddy.” Gus’s mouth grew tight around the edges and he took another step towards Shawn, obviously annoyed.

 

            “Shawn-” Shawn shook his head and shot Gus a rueful half smile,

 

            “Did I ever tell you the real reason I stopped going to therapy as a kid?” Gus shook his head and Shawn started to walk towards the car, out of the warehouse teaming with cops, they would all know soon enough anyway, no sense letting spoiling it for them, “lets just say I’m not super surprised by how this case turned out.” For a moment Gus remained impassive, but then a look of shock shown across his face and he looked like he might be sick. Shawn glanced around them, still too many people he knew. “Come on, I… I don’t think I can talk about this here.” Gus nodded, as if on autopilot, and scrambled after Shawn towards the blueberry, desperately hoping that he had misinterpreted his best friend’s words.

 

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            _“Shawn wasn’t the first, but he was the best. It didn’t take long to break him, he was so eager to please someone, so desperate for the kind of recognition that his parent’s weren’t giving him, that he didn’t take much persuading. He always had this fire in him, still does, it’s what makes him such a, shall we say, character. I could never train that out of him, he’s too stubborn you see. I could make him drop that infernal comedy act of his though; I could really tap into all the self-consciousness that he hid away, still hides away. I know he tried to get out of our sessions, he wasn’t as naive as some of the others, his dad is a cop after all, but Henry is so strict. It was actually rather satisfying. I knew Shawn would never tell his dad what was really going on, oh no I made sure that Shawn knew how weak he was, how pathetic, from the beginning. No, he knew that if he told his dad, even if his dad did believe him, he would be pitied for the rest of his life, looked down on, and if there’s one thing you can count on it’s that Spencer pride. So, no, he never told. He tried to weasel out of our sessions plenty, Henry would always call to personally apologize every time Maddie let him get out of an appointment, but Shawn never told._

_Every session with him was more fun than the last; whether it was exploring his young perfect body, or getting him acclimated to deep throating, all of it was superb. And when we finally got around to the harder stuff, ugh! It was simply divine. You can’t even imagine what a good lay he was, god! It was really such a shame that he managed to convince his parents he was fine, that he could quit therapy. Really I don’t know how he was able to convince them, he looked worse and worse every week. I know it’s tempting to contribute his decline to me only, and trust me I’m tempted to as well, but I think it’s important to remember what losing your family as a cohesive unit can feel like to an impressionable child. Why, I was his only stability. Be that as it may, his parents made him quit and I was furious, I couldn’t believe it. I jacked off to the thought of him practically every night, all my other patients felt boring and complacent compared to him and it was horrible. But, eventually I got over it, I left Santa Barbara to have a break from it all, try some new things, and that’s when I met the people I work with now. I realized how much more money I could be making by getting into the game, supply and demand, and there is a lot of demand. I couldn’t get into it again myself though. Shawn was still too fresh memory I suppose._

_Then, I saw the job opening here in Santa Barbara, I knew about Psych and I also knew that Henry would recommend me for the position, so I applied. I had kept up my practice while I was away for practicalities sake, and I was ecstatic when I realized what this placement could mean. It was almost to good to be true, getting access to Shawn, his career on the line, having full say over what was to happen to him. I mean I couldn’t have asked for more. Everything fell perfectly back into place. I could do whatever I wanted to Shawn, and of he wanted to keep his job here, to remain an equal to this department, to you two, to Gus, to Henry, he had to do what I said. I really got under his skin this time, I mean, at the warehouse, there was a moment when he seemed like he was going to give into me, that would have been a rush, finally breaking him. It was fun while it lasted anyway, stripping him down to his very core, making him think he was disgusting and weak, bending him to my will, getting to use him however I wanted to? I was never into older people but Shawn, well he’s always been special.”_

 

            It had been a long day for the two detectives, after taking Winnie back to the station they had been apart of the steak out, recommended by Shawn but from which he and Gus were oddly absent, that had allowed them to catch some of the other members of the ring, along with thankfully being able to rescue many girls, and they had gotten enough from their interrogations to bring the ring down. Then, they had interrogated Winnie. They had waited to interrogate him last, as they wanted to let him stew and he refused to talk to anyone but the two of them, together. Lassiter had recommended they tape the whole confession, a fact that he was now regretting, and they had sat there for about half an hour as Winnie had described his history with Shawn before even beginning to answer their questions about his more recent criminal activity.

 

            Lassiter felt sick, and he knew Juliet must too. It had been extremely hard, perhaps the hardest thing they would ever do, to sit in that room and remain impassive as Winnie told them about how he had abused and raped one of Lassiter’s dear friends, not that he would ever tell the psychic that. He couldn’t even imagine how Juliet could stand it; Shawn was, after all, her boyfriend. The junior detective had looked at him once they left the room and, before she even had the chance to ask, he had told her to go, to talk to Shawn. He wasn’t going to make her fill out paper work, not now, not for this case at all if he could help it. She was a professional, but he had seen the tears in the corners of her eyes when they left the interrogation room, he had noticed how she had dug her fingernails into her hands, placed in her lap, for the majority of Winnie’s confession. He wasn’t heartless, and he also wasn’t about to let Shawn feel excluded after all of this. Lassiter knew he couldn’t act much different than he normally would, Shawn would take that as pity, but he also knew that he couldn’t let the psychic think he was weak or disgusting, or any of the things Winnie had made him believe. After all, Shawn was one of the best detectives Lassiter had ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow...I can't believe it's been a year since I last updated this...what even??? There's only going to be one or two other chapters after this, depending if I want the epilogue to have it's own chapter or not. I promise it will not be another year before I get this updated. Anyway, thank you for reading <3<3<3
> 
> p.s. I got a phone case with the pluto pickup line on it and it may be my favorite thing??


	9. On Resolutions and Pineapple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn gets closure/epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ten points if you can spot the "The Head the Tail and the Whole Damn Episode" reference

            It wasn’t raining when Shawn walked up the steps to his dad’s house but the air held the promise of storms. It settled heavy on his shoulders, encircled his arms like chains, made his skin prickle. He had put off the conversation for as long as he could. Long enough that his dad had left him two voicemails, both short requests for them to talk, but not long enough that Gus had threatened to drag him to his dad’s house. He hadn’t been back to the station, he wasn’t sure he could ever go back. The chief had called him and, because he felt he owed her his time, he had answered. She had been blessedly normal, he could tell she was handling him gently, but not with pity. Her assurances that he was of course still welcome at the station had helped, somewhat, but he had still insisted on a break, like Gus had suggested. Lassiter had sent him a text, which meant that he felt some amount of pity because Lassiter never texted him, but, as much as he hated to admit it, it had meant a lot to him. Jules though, Jules had almost broken him.

 

            Talking to Gus had been hard. It had felt like peeling back his skin piece by piece, like handing someone a loaded gun and offering to be a target. Because, even though he knew his best friend wouldn’t judge him, it still felt like a weakness, like something to hide away. But Gus, sweet sweet Gus, had known what to do, just as he always had. He hadn’t asked questions, just let Shawn talk, sitting next to his on the psych couch, a plate of nachos untouched in front of them. Shawn’s stomach had been rolling the whole time and, from the way Gus’s hands had been clenched in his lap, his friend hadn’t been doing much better; they had gotten through it though, they always got through it. Shawn may or may not have cried. Gus may or may not have cried. They made hot chocolate and watched Chips reruns for the rest of the night.

 

            Jules. Jules had been worse. He had known Winnie would insist to talk to her, he had, and he had tried to prepare for it. It didn’t work. He opened the door the psych, they had finally remembered to lock it, and there she stood, radiant as always, cheeks pink from wiped away tears, eyes puffy and glistening, hair that had long sense escaped it’s carefully managed ponytail. It had been hard to keep himself from falling apart on the spot. He had felt the ghost of hands across his skin, felt the shame of years spent being at Winnie’s mercy. Guilt, for cheating on Jules, even if against his will, for not coming clean to her sooner, for making her listen to Winnie’s, no doubt twisted, testimony, threatened to devour him. He had stood there, stock still, just staring, for far too long before Juliet had crashed into him, her arms wrapping around him and her head burying into his neck. A breathy “I’m here Shawn,” was whispered into his ear and, for some reason, he smiled. It felt like he was falling apart, but Jules was there so he could make it through.

 

            Now, he stood on his dad’s porch. His mouth felt like it was filled with cotton and he swallowed as he rang the doorbell, cracking his knuckled nervously as he waited for an answer. He hadn’t told his dad he was coming, but he knew Gus had, his friend had never been good at lying to him.

 

            The door opened. Henry stood in the doorway, jaw set, eyes hard. Shawn felt himself shrink back. He hunched over and flicked his eyes to the ground. He tasted fear in the back of his mouth, stomach churning uncomfortably. He had known his dad was going to be upset with him it was a no brainer. Spencer men were strong; Spencer men stood up for what was right and didn’t let themselves get pushed around. Spencer men didn’t give. He gave. He hadn’t lived up to his dad’s legacy. Even when he was a kid he had been too weak, he hadn’t been able to keep himself safe, he hadn’t headed all the lessons his dad had taught him, and now his dad was going to chew him out for it, just like always. Shawn clenched his fists in his pockets and forced himself to remain calm. If he could just get through this then they could move on. It wouldn’t be the same, of course not, but it would be better than nothing.

 

            Shawn jerked his chin up, meeting his dad’s eyes, and for a moment they just stood there, an ocean of unspoken words in the air between them. Henry reached out a hand and Shawn flinched back. Henry’s frown deepened and he brought his arm down before seeming to deflate. He brought his hands to his face and rubbed at his eyes. It was then Shawn noticed how bad his dad looked. The shirt he was wearing was half tucked into his pants and his skin seemed to have a greyish quality. His nails had dirt under them and, when Shawn caught a glimpse of his eyes he saw they were a bit bloodshot.

 

            “I’m so sorry Shawn.” His dad’s voice was gravelly and Shawn realized that he as trying to hold back tears.

 

            “Dad?” He sounded small when he spoke and his dad’s shoulder’s drooped further. “Dad you don’t have anything to apologize for. I know I let you down. I didn’t tell you even though I had every chance to. Was weak and I’m sorry, I know I didn’t live up to your expectations.” His dad’s head jerked up and he took a fumbling step towards Shawn.

 

            “No, no Shawn that’s not it at all. How could you think that I’d-” Again he cut himself off, pausing to look at Shawn, really look at him, before sighing that sigh that always meant Shawn had disappointed him and leaning back against the side of the house. “Shawn, I know I haven’t always been the best at this,” he gestured between the two of them, “but, you have to know that I’ve always been proud of you.” This time it was Shawn’s turn to be surprised, he took his hands out of his pockets and cocked his head slightly to the side, eyes locked on his dad’s searching for deception.

 

            “But you-”

 

            “Just listen kid,” then as if Henry realized his words had sounded harsh, “please.” Shawn nodded, too confused to protest. “You and your mother were my life. You always have been. I know that I’ve spent too much time at my job, that I didn’t always act like the two of you were my priority, but you were. When they divorce happened me and your mom were so wrapped up in ourselves, and I know that I was stung by her rejection of me. I admit I thought her quitting on me, on our family, was weak. I was so busy yelling at her that she was going to destroy our family by leaving that I stopped paying attention to what was really happening in our family.” He paused, looking up and squaring his shoulder’s before returning his attention to Shawn’s face, “I listened to the recording of the interview Shawn. He was right. You did look worse and worse. I used it as ammunition against your mom but didn’t really bother to think about it. All that time I spent drilling you on your observational skills and I didn’t see what was right in front of my own eyes, God!” Again Henry paused, visibly struggling to get his temper under control and Shawn bit his lip, suddenly remembering that they were still outside.

            “Listen, Shawn, what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve been such a hypocrite, I’m sorry that I made you think you couldn’t talk to me, that I would think less of you because I don’t, I never will. You are, without a doubt one of the strongest people I know, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You’re my son and I-I love you.” There was a moment when all Shawn could do was blink at his father helplessly. Spencer men didn’t express their emotions like this. This was awkward and messy and, and, and, and then Shawn looked into his father’s eyes, really looked. He saw the sincerity and the desperation that lay there and found himself for a moment, speechless.

 

            “Yeah dad, I love you too.” The air felt a little bit lighter.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

            It was hot out, the kind of hot that sits on your skin and makes it impossible for you to think about anything else. Shawn fake panted, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth, as he and Gus walked the last block to the smoothie shack. It has been a month since Winnie’s arrest and Shawn was finally starting to feel like his life was back under control. The Psych agency had just closed their first case since Shawn’s return to the police department, date night last Saturday had gone well, and Shawn was able to sleep through the night most nights. He had a therapist, a good one this time, and although it had taken a lot of time for him to trust Dr. Kim, he was glad he had let Jules and Gus talk him into it.

 

            They reached the door to the smoothie shop and Shawn held it open, craning his neck around Gus’s head to see if the person they were meeting was there yet. She was. At a table towards the back drinking what Shawn thought looked suspiciously like a Strawberry blast, was Alex. Shawn smiled, motioning for Gus to order their usual’s as he made his way to the younger girl’s table. He plopped himself down across from her and she snapped her head up, the startled look on her face quickly giving way to a grin.

 

            “Shawn!” Her voice was so light, so young, and it made him happy. He had been worried that this would ruin her. That Winnie would take this spunky tough girl and turn her into someone haunted, but he was starting to suspect that Alex could take on the world and all its horrors without flinching.

 

            “Strawberry blast?” Alex nodded and Shawn leaned back in his seat, glancing over at Gus who was waiting to the counter off to the side, one smoothie next to him already. “How’s everything?” Shawn remembered how much he used to hate it when adults asked him that question when he was younger. He had, more than once, answered it by describing how he thought each object/person nearby was, literally. Needless to say his dad hadn’t liked that answer and always made him apologize for his snarky response. Shawn sighed; maybe he really was getting old.

 

            “You know,” Alex waved her hand around a bit, “A little weird, my friends were really hard to be around for a while, I just felt like they were waiting for me to have a breakdown ya’ know?” She caught his eyes and he nodded seriously, shifting slightly in his chair. “Anyway it’s all pretty much back to normal now. I have an algebra test tomorrow, Jenny thinks Luca stole her favorite chapstick, the world goes on.” She shrugged and Shawn nodded again, his mouth turning up at bit. Gus chose that moment to walk over, setting down their smoothies on the table, pineapple for Shawn and mango for Gus. Shawn smiled at his best friend gratefully and took a sip of his smoothie, closing his eyes for a moment in satisfaction as the sweet taste of pineapple burst across his tongue.

 

            “So I guess I was right huh,” both Shawn and Gus looked up at Alex who was staring at them with a slightly maniacal expression on her face, “he really did have pedo hands.” It took a second for Shawn to register what Alex meant, but when he did he balanced, leaning back in his chair and attempting to get his stomach to stop rolling. He pinched the skin of his forearm, forcing himself to focus on the present. Gus shot Alex a glare and the girl recoiled, clutching her drink close to her chest. Gus opened his mouth, clearly about to berate her but Shawn cut him off,

 

            “You’d make a good detective, you’ve got the natural instincts for it. Who knows, you might even be psychic.” It was forced, his voice shook a bit, but she still smiled, albeit timidly.

 

            “Well if you can be psychic it can’t be too hard.” Shawn took another drink of his smoothie, a smirk on his face, and, after a moment, so did Gus. The murderous look had faded from his eyes and he was now, for the most part, back to his neutral expression. The three of them lapsed into silence, drinking their liquefied fruit together until Gus, surprisingly, broke the quiet surrounding them.

 

            “Why did you call us here Alex?” It was a fair question. The two detectives hadn’t heard from her since the interrogation at the precinct and, besides an assurance from Jules that she would let him know if anything happened to her, Shawn had been fine with letting her go her own way. He rarely stayed in contact with victims or clients and, although he wanted to make sure she was okay, he didn’t want to make the girl feel pitied. He also kept his distance, at least partially, out of cowardice; he didn’t know how much she knew and he didn’t want her to know anymore than she already did.

 

            Alex looked down, fiddling with her straw and chewing at her lip. For a second, Shawn glimpsed the hurt thirteen year old that Alex tried so desperately to hide,

 

            “I don’t know I guess I just…look my therapist thought it would be a good idea if I could get some form of reassurance that I would be okay. She thought, maybe if I saw you I could have proof that I have control over my future, or something like that.” She was still looking at the table as she spoke, obviously either embarrassed or uncomfortable and Shawn and Gus exchanged a look. Gus seemed determined, an intense amount of protectiveness shining in his eyes, especially since he had looked like he wanted to kill Alex just a few minutes ago. Shawn cleared his throat,

 

            “Look Alex, I’m not sure I’m the best role model,” Gus snorted, “Alright, I know I’m not the best role model, I mean I spent a good portion of my life just traveling the country by myself on a motorcycle which, while fun, is not the most productive way to spend your time.” Gus shot him a look and Shawn paused, trying to stop himself from getting off track. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know a lot, and I haven’t made the best choices and some of that is because of what’s happened and some of that is just me, but I am starting to get that its okay to not be okay all the time, and it’s okay to not always have a plan. But, I’m absolutely sure that you will be alright, you are one of the coolest people I’ve ever met and I know you are going to kick butt when your older,” he winked, “even if you don’t like pineapple.” Alex snorted, Gus grinned, and Shawn took another sip of smoothie.

 

            Alex looked up at him and Shawn saw how grateful she was, how much she valued what he said to her and it made him feel warm. He realized how true the words he shared were and he wondered, just for a moment, when he realized that he didn’t always have to be fine. He supposed it was around the same time that he realized that his friends, his family, weren’t going to ditch him when the going got tough.

           

            Shawn blinked, and the two of them shifted their gazes so they were no longer maintaining eye contact. Alex picked up her drink and rolled her eyes,

 

            “Its not that pineapple is bad per say, it’s more that there are so many other, better, fruits.” Shawn mock gasped, basking in the feeling of normality that had settled over the little group,

 

            “You take that back!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy oh boy oh boy!! I actually finished this, like finally completed it! This has taken waaayyyyy too long for me to get done, but I think I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with me this whole time, and to everyone who left kudos, and commented, you all are the ones who motivated me to get this finished. I know this chapter isn't that long, but this felt like a satisfying ending to me and I hope it does to you too. <3<3<3
> 
> P.S who else is excited for psych the movie??!?!?!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo this fix is the product of an idea I've had for awhile and yeah. This is just the beginning, and I promise it's going to get very dark and crimey (shut up it's a word) soon. Please comment below saying anything, really anything. Hope you enjoyed I think this story might actually end up being pretty good, maybe, hopefully.
> 
>  
> 
> Kudo and comment :)


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